Apology

"What made you change your mind?" Dexter asked, wondering if he dared hope this sort of time together could be permanent, or at least repeat. That seemed to be what Foster was angling for.

"About what?"

"Being with me," Dexter said, dropping his eyes to Foster's chest, where his fingers were exploring down the mostly bare skin - so different from his own. He was taking quite a risk by asking, but it was something he had to know. He had decided Foster had no ulterior motive, but that still left the question of why. "You didn't want to, at first. You said no. I think you thought I was...going to use you." He looked off to the side, not at Foster at all, because Foster may well have been right, at that point in time, before we'd shared our first kiss. "And then after I hit you..." Why did you come back?

"I decided you were lying."

Gabriel's eyes came up to Foster's face, studying it with that blank look he was so good at using when he didn't want to reveal his feelings.

Foster went on, his left hand shifting so his fingers could card through the hair over Dexter's right ear, "This wasn't just a way to spend your time. You weren't bored. And...like you said, you're lonely, but it's more than that. I think I mean something to you. And if that's true, then maybe this is worth enough for Gabriel to stop hurting me." Foster didn't go so far as to say what would happen if Gabriel did not stop hurting him, but the conclusion was obvious and Gabriel had figured it out days before while worrying that he'd ruined things irrevocably. He was so glad he hadn't. Foster was unbelievably forgiving - but Gabriel had decided to take a leap of faith anyway.

He pulled Foster in for a kiss immediately, eyes squeezed shut and arms snaking around the man. When Dexter let go, he said haltingly, "You mean a lot. I'm … I mean I … I shouldn't have …" Dexter's face turned distressed. He didn't want to admit he was wrong, but he wanted the pardon anyway. Always with the shortcuts. So weak.

Foster smirked a little. "No, you shouldn't have."

Dexter's eyes snapped up to him, because that could mean so many things - shouldn't have come back, shouldn't have hit Foster, shouldn't have been who he was. Maybe I was wrong about how he feels about me. Maybe he still thinks I'm fucked up, no good, not worth it...I'm just the best he can do here, the only thing he's got and that's all. Nothing special about me.

Then Foster said, "But here I am, being with you, because I believe in you."

That hadn't been what Gabriel had expected. Relief washed through both of them (Gabriel and Dexter in other words), wiping away the depression and melancholy, leaving behind hope and a smile. "Foster, that's...really corny."

Foster leaned in and nuzzled at Dexter's face, lipping along his cheek. "Yeah," he agreed without apology. "We need to get cleaned up."

Dexter stretched, wriggling a little underneath Foster. It was a surprisingly pleasant place to be. Foster kept most of his weight up, but stayed close enough for contact. It had to be tiring for his arms, Dexter realized. "If you insist," he sighed happily, still having trouble believing his luck, but deciding not to question it. Hang onto him. Do what I have to do to keep him, to satisfy him. Figure him out. Figure out this relationship thing. I killed for my life. He's not asking for that much. I can do this. This can work. I'll be special, for someone, and I will finally matter.

-Dexter

    &

Gabriel.