According to my shrink I need to broaden my social horizons and get different 'types' of relationships like friends, girlfriend, wife, boyfriend, husband, but the one she stressed the most was child. She said that getting a kid would be a good way to learn to better express my emotions and it would make me more responsible and more importantly I would have to give up the majority of my sex life.
Sounded good to me so I went online and filled out a survey to find a suitable child based on the time I'm willing to spend, my experience, and personality. A couple kids popped up on the screen. I really liked a girl named Belinda. She's 11 and has green eyes, brown hair, and a killer smile. She likes running, playing catch, Star Trek, watching movies, Heroes (too awesome), technology, gaming, Peter Pettrelli, Spock, ice cream, pizza, and playing piano.
She's like totally perfect. I arranged a meeting thing with her. This might be a way to change myself at last.
I called Mo Mo (Mrs. Grey...my favorite foster mom) to ask her some questions about me but she didn't answer. So I left a message and told her to call my cellphone when she got it.
I was at a fire scene today. I asked if anyone was still in the fire.
"There's a girl still in there!" A younger lady shouted.
I ran into the building. It was about to collapse so I ran as quickly as possible. A huge board from the ceiling flew down and almost knocked me in the head.
I found the girl. She looked like a piece of charcoal and was having trouble breathing (duh). I picked her up and ran swiftly through the building and back outside. I got her onto a stretcher and another paramedic helped me lift her into the ambulance. I hopped in the ambulance and the other paramedic hopped in and I shut the door. We drove. We prepped her for the hospital.
"Do you work at the hospital?" He asked me.
"Nope."
"Well thanks for helping out, I'm Slade."
Slade is an awesome name.
"I'm Gabriel."
"So where do you work then?"
"At home, I'm an artist."
"I find that hard to believe."
"Well believe it or not I do. I used to be a paramedic though."
"What happened?"
"It's a bit complicated. I was at a fire scene there were two people in the building so I grabbed one and helped him out but left the other person behind thinking I could go back in and get her. I walked out with the man but he wasn't a man he was a hallucination. So I was considered unfit for duty and they fired me."
"Do you have schizophrenia?"
"Yeh but it isn't that bad. Roughly ten times a year I see a hallucination."
"That's not bad at all." He said. "You should become a paramedic again."
We arrived at the hospital and brought the girl to the ER.
"Where do I sign up?" I asked Slade.
"There's paperwork on the front desk."
"Thanks."
He went back to work and I filled out the paperwork. I have the song When You're Evil stuck in my head...I started humming it...people stared...I didn't mind. I gave the receptionist the completed paperwork.
"We'll call you if you get the job." She said.
"Okay thanks."
I left and started walking home. There was a car crawling beside me. It was just Slade.
"Hop in stranger." He said with a smile.
"Thanks."
"Where are we headed?" He asked.
"Um...what time is it?"
"About one thirty."
"Shoot I'm late." I told him my shrinks address.
"Late for a shrink appointment...you are dead."
"That I am."
"What's your excuse going to be?"
"Hm, I am sorry I was late...but the world needed saving."
"Nice."
"Yeah."
We got there surprisingly fast. Gwen was waiting for me by the door.
"I wish my shrink was that hot." Slade said. "My shrinks a fifty two year old man."
She was okay looking...but certainly not hot.
"Yeah, and thanks for the ride." I got out of the car.
So I go into my shrinks house...and there's a bunch of pictures of me all over the place. It was a huge timeline of my life covering every inch of the walls.
"Who's your friend?"
I ignored her question...all these photos. I was interested as to why she was so obsessed with me. She must have been stalking me since I moved into my apartment. So it couldn't have been because she was my shrink...because she certainly wasn't my shrink back then. She had some of my artwork as well.
"What's all this?" I asked her confusedly.
"It's your life." She said excitedly.
"Well I got that...but why?"
"Because I needed to know more of your backstory."
"Why?"
"Because when I analyzed your video I found that you weren't expressing anything...you were a blank slate."
"So?"
"So clearly sex triggers a flood of emotions for you and I wanted to know what those emotions were."
"So let me get this straight...because I didn't express any emotion you think there was a flood of emotions."
"Exactly."
This was garbage. I sat down in the lazyboy, reclined, laid on my side, and closed my eyes.
"So Gabriel, do you want sex right now?"
I just laid there not moving, not talking, I just laid there thinking. After awhile of this I sat up to look at the clock...this is almost over...I don't think she's a real shrink...what kind of a shrink strips for her clients...yep she was stripping...right in front of my view of the clock.
I thought about what I might gain from this. Often times I think of how certain actions will benefit me. So I thought about it and decided a course of action.
"I'll have sex with you if you sign papers saying I'm fit to be a paramedic."
"Of course baby."
How repulsive...she called me baby...now that's just disturbing.
I took my shirt off.
"And don't call me baby, babe, or Gabe."
She started taking my pants off. I pushed her on the couch...how old does she think I am???? I'm sure I'm old enough to take off my own pants. I took off my pants. So she was really bad...not bad in a good way either.
I started kissing her and she just looked at me weird.
"Don't stare at me like that...I'm not a monster." I told her.
"I wish you were." She said sexily back.
"Well I'm not."
This was not a pleasurable experience at all. She wasn't even a little bit good...not even a sliver. I suppose shrinks don't get laid very often but still.
My stitches were coming undone so I stopped.
"Don't stop now." She said. Man alive she is horny...it's gross.
I got up and put my pants back on. She grabbed my arm. I freaked and whipped her arm away.
I didn't know what had gotten into me. I was angry but normally I keep it under control. So I left and then went back and grabbed my shirt. I walked to the park and did a bunch of flips and tricks on the monkey bars. It was interesting. A bunch of ladies took videos and said they were going to put them on YouTube so I've been watching out for those...I have to make sure they didn't get one of me failing the double backflip and falling on my ass like a dork. I even got asked for my autograph which I found kind of strange but I gave it to them anyways.
Then I went to my apartment and surfed the world wide web for a couple hours. Then I did my laundry and read four books. And then I ate microwaved pizza and fell asleep while watching TV.
Lately lots of stuff has been going on. Hence I didn't finish this entry yesterday like I should've but whatever. I don't think it makes a difference when I post stuff because whoever reads it has to be almost bored to death anyways. So goodbye.
Gabriel Jaro.
December 31, 2012
Well I am awake.
I woke up to find the handcuffs were off and there was a police officer sitting beside me.
"Are you up for talking?"
"I suppose so." I tried to sound weak it's hard work pretending all the time.
"Good. I am going to ask you some questions. Just answer to the best of your ability."
"Okay."
"Did you see the man that did this to you?"
"A little bit, but then I passed out."
"What did he look like?"
Since this person didn't exist I came up with random stuff.
"He was a black guy with a bird tattoo on his right arm."
I'm pretty sure bird tattoos are extremely common and won't help them get any leads...not that there are any leads to get on.
"Okay. Did you notice what he was wearing?"
"He was wearing a black hoodie and camouflage pants."
How clever...I was describing my outfit yesterday.
"Thank you for your time. We'll do our best to catch the man that did this too you. Meanwhile you just try and get better."
"Thank you officer." I managed to say before he left.
Hmmm...with my fake killer on the loose what should I do? I have another shrink appointment at one today.
"Are you up for talking?"
"I suppose so." I tried to sound weak it's hard work pretending all the time.
"Good. I am going to ask you some questions. Just answer to the best of your ability."
"Okay."
"Did you see the man that did this to you?"
"A little bit, but then I passed out."
"What did he look like?"
Since this person didn't exist I came up with random stuff.
"He was a black guy with a bird tattoo on his right arm."
I'm pretty sure bird tattoos are extremely common and won't help them get any leads...not that there are any leads to get on.
"Okay. Did you notice what he was wearing?"
"He was wearing a black hoodie and camouflage pants."
How clever...I was describing my outfit yesterday.
"Thank you for your time. We'll do our best to catch the man that did this too you. Meanwhile you just try and get better."
"Thank you officer." I managed to say before he left.
Hmmm...with my fake killer on the loose what should I do? I have another shrink appointment at one today.
December 29, 2012
Good news.
I've got good news...my tumor is almost completely gone. I went in today and they did a brain scan doohickey to see if I was improving at all and I am recovering. My head is still swollen. I did radiation again and I'm now bald. I don't look that bad bald if I had my eyebrows I'd look much better but it's not that bad.
I have cheated death once more.
I still have a bad headache and my arms are still pretty weak. I can hardly pick up a pudding cup...I feel like such a wuss.
My hearing aids arrived today. Snazzy black hearing aids. They aren't the big bulky kind they're the tiny ear plug sized ones. I put them in and wallacazam I can hear perfectly.
I went to Taco Johns for the first time. I'd give it a 4/5 the food was good but the staff kept yelling out random stuff like pink flamingoes and then they'd start laughing hysterically about it. It was annoying.
After that I walked to the mall to get some circus peanuts. I am strangely addicted to them. I walked through the doors and went to sanitize my hands in the restroom. I walked in...there was a weird old dude staring at me...it was strange. I walked out and he followed me.
"You didn't wash your hands." I said as he stood beside me.
"You need to leave."
"Excuse me?"
"You need to leave NOW."
A lot of people were staring at me.
"NO you got to leave NOW!" I shouted.
"Sir are you alright?"
An older lady grabbed my arm.
"I'm fine. This man was just about to leave." I pointed at the old creep.
"There's no one there." She led me to a couch.
I sat down.
"I can call someone if you need help."
"Yeh I'm sorry about that."
She handed me an old cell phone.
"Thanks, but my ride should be here in a couple minutes." I lied.
"Okay...well you have a nice day." She walked away.
I smacked my head against the vending machine.
I walked away angrily. I bought some circus peanuts and sat down on the couch. I opened the bag and ate a couple while watching people.
Person A blonde hair, green eyes, late thirties...I'm guessing she has 3 kids and a almost ex husband...also the way she shook hands showed that she is hungry for power and probably has a high paying job like a lawyer.
Person B Black hair, brown eyes, early twenties...I'm guessing he is lonely and doesn't have many friends, he is a college kid studying for a job of little human contact but also an important job, he's trying to be important to people and the world, he doubts he'll get far but yet he still tries.
I did this until it was time to go to my appointment.
I went to the shrink at three again today. It went something like this...
"So Gabriel how's your day been so far?"
"I'm not dead yet. So good I guess."
"Why would you be dead?"
Wow as if the no eyebrow thing wasn't enough.
"I have a brain tumor. Thus I have no hair...not even eyebrows."
"Any other medical problems I should be aware of?"
"I'm allergic to the following; perfume, cats, dogs, monkeys, horses, hay, corn, straw, green beans, grapes, cherries, pomegranate, apples, bananas, I think that's about it...no wait I'm allergic to handcuffs too." She gave me a weird look so I explained. "I get huge itchy purple rashes all over my arms."
"Any other medical problems?"
"Oh I'm just getting started. Lets see I have schizophrenia, insomnia, synesthesia, I'm deaf in my right ear, I have had 7 seizures, 3 heart attacks, 1 stroke, 8 Asthma attacks, tinnitus, 72 concussions, 2 tumors, a broken leg four times, a broken arm twice, a lot of blackouts, vertigo, 28 broken ankles, 17 comas I once was in a coma for 8 days before my landlord found me in my room when I came to I was starving I'd lost twenty three pounds, I shed a lot, some times the skin all over my body peels off in big sheets, and I'm a pathological lier."
"Are you lying right now?"
"Nope."
"Were you lying when you said nope?"
"No."
"Good."
"So what now?"
"Now we do stuff."
"Like what?"
"Talk."
"About what?"
"Anything."
"Okay."
Long long silence...
"When you're having sex how do you feel?"
"Tired and angry."
"And what about after?"
"I don't know I usually fall asleep during."
"And why is that?"
"I guess cause I'm tired."
"But why are you tired?"
"Because I just am."
"Did your mother suffer a lot of emotional distress?"
"She was a hooker...what do you think?" I thought that question was completely unnecessary.
"Was your dad gone a lot?"
"No he came home every night."
"Now we're going to do a some simple stretches that'll hopefully help you sleep better."
We did some strange stretches and some yoga...I fell asleep on the wood floor.
"You poor guy." She lifted my head up and put a pillow underneath.
"I'm sorrrry..." I fell asleep again.
I had only got a half hour of sleep the night before because I didn't have sex with anyone.
So I woke up again at 7:46 PM.
I sat up...shit I don't have any clothes on. Normally this wouldn't be a problem but I'm at my shrinks house.
"Gwen?"
No answer.
"Is anybody here?"
No answer again.
I walked to the bathroom and found my clothes scattered. I put my pants on and grabbed my shirt.
I heard weird noises so I tried to find the source.
I walked down the hall. There was a large door with a weird looking doorbell. I pressed it a couple times.
A nude goth girl answered the door.
"Hi um I was just wondering where Gwen is. Do you know where she went?"
"Dude I said I'd be right back."
I was so confused.
"Where's Gwen?"
"She left dummy. Don't you remember she paired us up for this exercise."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"We're supposed to videotape us having sex so Gwen can analyze it."
"Oh." I was still confused.
"So go back to the office and take your pants off."
I did as I was told. She joined me a couple minutes later.
"Where's the camera?" I asked her.
"Right there dummy."
"Oh."
I aligned myself so I was visible to the camera.
"Are you ready?" She acted like this is normal....it isn't.
"I suppose so."
I was being to wonder why she would want me to do this...I thought she wanted for me to not want sex.
So when we were done I put my pants....and then Gwen walked in.
"I'll see you on Monday Gabriel."
"Okay." I put my shirt on and left.
I feel really empty... like there's a hole in me and nothing can ever fill it...I think I need something to hold onto or maybe someone. Either way I'm feeling powerless. I feel helpless and lost.
Daniel isn't going to pick me up because he's gone at a training thing for work because he got promoted. I'm not sure how you can get promoted at a barbershop or what you can get promoted to but I guess it's possible.
I started to walk home.
Home...what is home. Home is where the heart is...then home must be everywhere because last time I checked I take my heart with me wherever I go...I had a feeling I was over thinking this so I stopped.
I approached a bunch of kids running around at a park.
"Does any of you know what time it is?"
"It's about eight thirty." A little girl said.
I noticed she didn't have a watch.
"How do you know?" I was curious if she could tell by the sun like I used to be able to do.
"Your eyes," she said. "They're medium green."
I thought that was just plain strange.
"What if my eyes were two different colors?"
"Then you probably just woke up."
"Well thanks." I walked back to the path home.
That was weird. I walked to a store and checked the time. She was right...that was really strange.
When I got home I did some research and found nothing on the matter except loads of dumb ass myths. According to Wikipedia eyes can change color when experiencing strong emotions.
I looked in a mirror and tried to feel emotional...it didn't work. I looked at myself in the mirror and after about a half an hour...my eyes turned dark brown. I can't tell if it was because it was ten or if I changed my eyes due to emotion. Either way it's weird.
I went outside and was strangely compelled to stand in an alley...so I did. I'm not sure why.
A strange dude pulled up.
"Hop in I'll give you a lift." He said in a gruff voice.
"Nah I'm not going anywhere."
"I insist."
"Dude back off." I was getting angry.
"Your loss."
He drove away.
I sighed. I'm starving I haven't ate anything since 1:00. Noodles sound good. So I walked to the nearest noodle restaurant. I really like walking. I was surprised to find one that was open.
I ordered noodles...I know it's so surprising...I went to a noodle restaurant and ordered noodles...woah.
I ate the noodles....once again so surprising.
I walked home and laid in bed for a couple minutes. I did the stretches and yoga thing and fell asleep.
This was supposed to be posted yesterday but the power went off in my apartment.
I have cheated death once more.
I still have a bad headache and my arms are still pretty weak. I can hardly pick up a pudding cup...I feel like such a wuss.
My hearing aids arrived today. Snazzy black hearing aids. They aren't the big bulky kind they're the tiny ear plug sized ones. I put them in and wallacazam I can hear perfectly.
I went to Taco Johns for the first time. I'd give it a 4/5 the food was good but the staff kept yelling out random stuff like pink flamingoes and then they'd start laughing hysterically about it. It was annoying.
After that I walked to the mall to get some circus peanuts. I am strangely addicted to them. I walked through the doors and went to sanitize my hands in the restroom. I walked in...there was a weird old dude staring at me...it was strange. I walked out and he followed me.
"You didn't wash your hands." I said as he stood beside me.
"You need to leave."
"Excuse me?"
"You need to leave NOW."
A lot of people were staring at me.
"NO you got to leave NOW!" I shouted.
"Sir are you alright?"
An older lady grabbed my arm.
"I'm fine. This man was just about to leave." I pointed at the old creep.
"There's no one there." She led me to a couch.
I sat down.
"I can call someone if you need help."
"Yeh I'm sorry about that."
She handed me an old cell phone.
"Thanks, but my ride should be here in a couple minutes." I lied.
"Okay...well you have a nice day." She walked away.
I smacked my head against the vending machine.
I walked away angrily. I bought some circus peanuts and sat down on the couch. I opened the bag and ate a couple while watching people.
Person A blonde hair, green eyes, late thirties...I'm guessing she has 3 kids and a almost ex husband...also the way she shook hands showed that she is hungry for power and probably has a high paying job like a lawyer.
Person B Black hair, brown eyes, early twenties...I'm guessing he is lonely and doesn't have many friends, he is a college kid studying for a job of little human contact but also an important job, he's trying to be important to people and the world, he doubts he'll get far but yet he still tries.
I did this until it was time to go to my appointment.
I went to the shrink at three again today. It went something like this...
"So Gabriel how's your day been so far?"
"I'm not dead yet. So good I guess."
"Why would you be dead?"
Wow as if the no eyebrow thing wasn't enough.
"I have a brain tumor. Thus I have no hair...not even eyebrows."
"Any other medical problems I should be aware of?"
"I'm allergic to the following; perfume, cats, dogs, monkeys, horses, hay, corn, straw, green beans, grapes, cherries, pomegranate, apples, bananas, I think that's about it...no wait I'm allergic to handcuffs too." She gave me a weird look so I explained. "I get huge itchy purple rashes all over my arms."
"Any other medical problems?"
"Oh I'm just getting started. Lets see I have schizophrenia, insomnia, synesthesia, I'm deaf in my right ear, I have had 7 seizures, 3 heart attacks, 1 stroke, 8 Asthma attacks, tinnitus, 72 concussions, 2 tumors, a broken leg four times, a broken arm twice, a lot of blackouts, vertigo, 28 broken ankles, 17 comas I once was in a coma for 8 days before my landlord found me in my room when I came to I was starving I'd lost twenty three pounds, I shed a lot, some times the skin all over my body peels off in big sheets, and I'm a pathological lier."
"Are you lying right now?"
"Nope."
"Were you lying when you said nope?"
"No."
"Good."
"So what now?"
"Now we do stuff."
"Like what?"
"Talk."
"About what?"
"Anything."
"Okay."
Long long silence...
"When you're having sex how do you feel?"
"Tired and angry."
"And what about after?"
"I don't know I usually fall asleep during."
"And why is that?"
"I guess cause I'm tired."
"But why are you tired?"
"Because I just am."
"Did your mother suffer a lot of emotional distress?"
"She was a hooker...what do you think?" I thought that question was completely unnecessary.
"Was your dad gone a lot?"
"No he came home every night."
"Now we're going to do a some simple stretches that'll hopefully help you sleep better."
We did some strange stretches and some yoga...I fell asleep on the wood floor.
"You poor guy." She lifted my head up and put a pillow underneath.
"I'm sorrrry..." I fell asleep again.
I had only got a half hour of sleep the night before because I didn't have sex with anyone.
So I woke up again at 7:46 PM.
I sat up...shit I don't have any clothes on. Normally this wouldn't be a problem but I'm at my shrinks house.
"Gwen?"
No answer.
"Is anybody here?"
No answer again.
I walked to the bathroom and found my clothes scattered. I put my pants on and grabbed my shirt.
I heard weird noises so I tried to find the source.
I walked down the hall. There was a large door with a weird looking doorbell. I pressed it a couple times.
A nude goth girl answered the door.
"Hi um I was just wondering where Gwen is. Do you know where she went?"
"Dude I said I'd be right back."
I was so confused.
"Where's Gwen?"
"She left dummy. Don't you remember she paired us up for this exercise."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"We're supposed to videotape us having sex so Gwen can analyze it."
"Oh." I was still confused.
"So go back to the office and take your pants off."
I did as I was told. She joined me a couple minutes later.
"Where's the camera?" I asked her.
"Right there dummy."
"Oh."
I aligned myself so I was visible to the camera.
"Are you ready?" She acted like this is normal....it isn't.
"I suppose so."
I was being to wonder why she would want me to do this...I thought she wanted for me to not want sex.
So when we were done I put my pants....and then Gwen walked in.
"I'll see you on Monday Gabriel."
"Okay." I put my shirt on and left.
I feel really empty... like there's a hole in me and nothing can ever fill it...I think I need something to hold onto or maybe someone. Either way I'm feeling powerless. I feel helpless and lost.
Daniel isn't going to pick me up because he's gone at a training thing for work because he got promoted. I'm not sure how you can get promoted at a barbershop or what you can get promoted to but I guess it's possible.
I started to walk home.
Home...what is home. Home is where the heart is...then home must be everywhere because last time I checked I take my heart with me wherever I go...I had a feeling I was over thinking this so I stopped.
I approached a bunch of kids running around at a park.
"Does any of you know what time it is?"
"It's about eight thirty." A little girl said.
I noticed she didn't have a watch.
"How do you know?" I was curious if she could tell by the sun like I used to be able to do.
"Your eyes," she said. "They're medium green."
I thought that was just plain strange.
"What if my eyes were two different colors?"
"Then you probably just woke up."
"Well thanks." I walked back to the path home.
That was weird. I walked to a store and checked the time. She was right...that was really strange.
When I got home I did some research and found nothing on the matter except loads of dumb ass myths. According to Wikipedia eyes can change color when experiencing strong emotions.
I looked in a mirror and tried to feel emotional...it didn't work. I looked at myself in the mirror and after about a half an hour...my eyes turned dark brown. I can't tell if it was because it was ten or if I changed my eyes due to emotion. Either way it's weird.
I went outside and was strangely compelled to stand in an alley...so I did. I'm not sure why.
A strange dude pulled up.
"Hop in I'll give you a lift." He said in a gruff voice.
"Nah I'm not going anywhere."
"I insist."
"Dude back off." I was getting angry.
"Your loss."
He drove away.
I sighed. I'm starving I haven't ate anything since 1:00. Noodles sound good. So I walked to the nearest noodle restaurant. I really like walking. I was surprised to find one that was open.
I ordered noodles...I know it's so surprising...I went to a noodle restaurant and ordered noodles...woah.
I ate the noodles....once again so surprising.
I walked home and laid in bed for a couple minutes. I did the stretches and yoga thing and fell asleep.
This was supposed to be posted yesterday but the power went off in my apartment.
December 28, 2012
I'm alive and dying...and I got a new shrink (one I haven't slept with...yet)
Well the good news is that I'm alive. The bad news is I had some tests done today that confirmed that I am dying. I am still supposed to go to treatment though. They said that it would be a miracle if I lived through the week. My tumor is getting bigger and I can't do anything about it. It really sucks.
I couldn't drive to the hospital and I certainly couldn't ride the bus so I called 911. I got to the hospital quickly so that's a plus. They gave me some drugs to help me sleep and said that they would get a neurosurgeon to look at it. I fell asleep at last.
I woke up. I guess they did an MRI while I was sleeping. I don't remember it at all but the nurse said I was awake. I have a Glioblastoma tumor, the survival rate for this type of tumor is 13 percent. I had radiation therapy today as well.
I can't think straight so if you can read this thank autocorrect.
I don't know where Daniel is or when he's coming back. I think I'm going to go to my moms house today if I start feeling better. My ferret died...I'm not sure how...probably from the stench. My apartment wasn't exactly in the greatest condition.
I can't walk or talk right now I hardly can think. I tried to stand up again but no luck so far. I tipped over a bunch of chairs. Where's a blasted wheelchair? I leaned against the wall and managed to open the door. I was in my apartment building...how the hell did I get here??? I am confused and tired. Tired of not being able to do anything for myself or anything at all.
I have no feeling in my legs or arms. The bulge on my head is getting bigger. I have a extremely bad headache. I'm breathing really heavily for no apparent reason. My eyes are still dilated and one of them is light blue and the other is really dark brown it looks retarded. Since I had radiation today I hardly have any hair. I'm really hungry and I want to take off this dumb bandage that's around my ribs but it hurts when I move. I can't talk and I'm losing my vision rapidly.
Even if I do survive the treatment they're only giving me two more years to live...what am I supposed to do with two years? They said I should keep my room really hot so the tumor is more vulnerable to the radiation therapy. So my room is about 80 degrees and I am drenched in sweat. At least I don't have to stay at the hospital.
I got up and puked again. Where the hell is Daniel? I grabbed the phone and called him...I quickly remembered that I can't talk and hung up.
So I am alone once again...in the end I'm always alone. I got up and balanced myself. I walked to the kitchen. I looked in the fridge...mustard. I dug through my cupboards and found some pudding cups. I like pudding. I ate about twenty pudding cups and fell asleep on the floor.
I woke up and crawled to the living room. I laid on the floor and turned on the TV. Yay Heroes was in the DVD player. I like Heroes. I got season four for Christmas from my foster sister...I don't remember which one....I think it was from Matilda but it could have been from Ava or maybe Lola...no wait....Lola was a lady who owned a club I used to work at...so I obviously don't have a clue what their names our or who gave it to me.
I crawled onto the couch. I reached for the remote but I lost balance and fell on my face...if I could say anything I'd be swearing up a storm. I grabbed the remote angrily and laid back down on the couch. I kept hitting the wrong buttons. I got frustrated and threw it...it shattered into a gazillion pieces. I crawled to the TV and hit play. It was the episode where Sylar emerges out of Nathan and Peter beats the shit out of Sylar until Nathan came again. Then Peter has to let go of Nathan who is dangling off the side of a building...it is quite the show.
About half way into the episode I was having trouble understanding what they were saying. Normally when this happens I just turn on the subtitles but of course I am seeing double which makes any kind of reading almost impossible.
I got up carefully and walked super slowly towards the TV and turned it off. I walked sort of sideways to the cupboards I grabbed some jello cups and a spoon. I don't know why but I really like pudding and jello.
I walked ever so carefully to the couch again. I tried to think about something other then dying while I ate my jello.
Knock knock knock knock....
"Gabriel? Are you home?"
"Is opppen," I sort of said.
"Are you ok?"
"Nnno."
He opened the door and plugged his nose.
"What happened?"
"It's back."
"The cancer?"
"The tttumorr."
"I'm really really sorry I wasn't here last night but I got held up at work."
I likely story. I bet he was at a club somewhere. What kind of a barbershop stays open that late at night. Maybe he's doing his boss...? I don't know but I'm sure he wasn't working...I guess it could be considered work....maybe.
"Dddid you bbbring annything to eat?"
"Yep, I got loads of unhealthy stuff to chomp on."
"Dddaniel..." I wasn't sure how to tell him, but I knew I had to.
"What Gabriel?"
"I'm dddying." I breathed heavily. I was glad that I told him.
He was speechless. I held back my stuttering for a little bit so I could sound more serious.
"The ddoctors say I hhave abbout a wwweek."
He rushed over to me and gave me a really tight hug. He sat there crying on my shoulder for awhile.
"I'll clean up the mess you get some rest." He sniffled.
"I'll tttry."
He kept crying. I fell asleep for a couple minutes.
Someone was shaking my shoulder.
"Gabriel wake up..."
It was Daniel. I sat up and looked around I felt like a rabbit poking its head out of it's hole and then....SNAP...you're trapped. There were all my sisters and brothers...staring at me.
"Hhhi." I was shocked.
"Wwwhy are ttthey here?" I whispered to Daniel.
"They want you to know they're here for you no matter what."
I looked like hell and he invites all my foster family over...thanks Daniel thanks.
I was dizzy and tired...
"Gabriel wake up...come on...wake up! Wake up!"
Daniel was shaking me.
"Dude what do you want?" Huh...no stuttering.
"It's like twelve."
"So what?"
"So it's time to eat."
"Let's go out to eat."
"Are you sure you're up for it?"
"Yep."
I stood up and felt a little dizzy but not much. I walked to the bathroom and got what little hair I have left combed.
"Where do you want to go?"
I walked to my room and changed out of my sweaty clothes and into nice clean clothes.
"Panda Express."
I like Panda Express a lot. I went back to the living room.
"You ready?"
"Yep."
He grabbed his keys.
"Just wait I forgot my socks."
"Socks would be nice."
I ran to my room and pulled some socks and shoes on.
"Now I'm ready."
"Good."
I walked outside. I was feeling a lot better my arm was still tingling and I still had a headache but it wasn't so bad. The fresh air felt so good. I think personality changes is one of the side effects that last even when the tumor is gone. I'm kind of hoping it is...cause I'm feeling great.
He drove to the Panda Express. We sat down inside.
"Man, I'm starving." I looked at a menu.
"What can I get you?" A waitress asked.
I ordered and then Daniel ordered.
I stared out the window until our food came.
"Dana...that's a pretty name." I said.
She put our food on the table.
"Thank you. Can I get you boys anything else?"
"I can think of a few things, but I don't think they're on the menu." I said slyly.
"That's a no." Daniel said.
She walked away.
We started eating.
"I'm clearly having withdrawals." If you haven't caught on yet...I'm addicted to sex.
"I can tell."
"What does the doctor prescribe?"
"You really need to stop."
"Stop what?"
"You're so addicted its not even funny."
"I can't help it. I get urges just like everybody else."
"Yeah but everyone else deals with it instead of giving into it all the time."
"I do not give in all the time. Just most of the time."
"You should see a shrink."
He was serious...I thought we were just joking around.
"Well I was seeing one but I slept with him and then Amber broke up with me because apparently my shrink was her dad and he was stupid enough to tell her about our happenstance."
"You're really messed up."
"A lot of people say that about me, my mom, Amber, Kevin, Alice, Ava, Lola, Samuel, my doctor, Mario, Matilda, Avery, my dad, Eva, Grace, Angel, Angelina, Ben, Jake, Luke, Drake, Nash, Carl, Keelee, Relene, Roxy, Trixie, Max, Kyle, Peter, Sam, and a bunch of others, but I never thought I'd see the day when you'd say that."
"Well believe it."
"I just know what I want and how to get it."
"Whatever dude."
I was almost finished eating but Daniel had tons left to eat. I finished eating, threw away my trash and washed my hands. Daniel had just finished when I got back. I threw away his trash and he washed his hands. We left in silence.
We were almost to Daniel's house.
"I don't understand. How am I anymore messed up then everyone else? So every once in awhile I act on my urges...so what?"
"You'll never get enough of it. It'll eat away at your soul."
"Fine I'll see a damn shrink."
"We have to be there by 3 so we got about an hour too kill."
I was going to say something related to my issues but I decided not to cause reason for further alarm.
"You have this all figured out, don't you?" I said.
"Yep."
I thought about me dying again...I'm not afraid of dying...I'm just afraid I'll die alone.
Then I thought about why I was addicted to sex. I crave connection with other humans and sex seems like the way to go...it's about the only time people truly enjoy my company.
So we drove to Daniels house and I read a book about people like me...it's kind of helpful knowing that there are others like me.
"Hey Daniel."
"What?"
"It says here that I am supposed to try to be emotional. What do they mean by emotional?"
"They probably mean like expressing how you feel about stuff."
"Oh, well I hate shrinks...like that?"
"Yeh I guess so. Are you ready to go?"
"About as ready as I'm going to be."
"Let's go then."
I grabbed my book, pulled on my shoes, and got in the car.
"To the shrink!!" I said triumphantly.
And we were off.
"What's my new shrinks name?"
"Gwen."
"So it's a girl shrink?"
"What do you think?"
"Yeh."
"Bravo, all hail Gabriel The Genius."
The building appeared to be a house as well. I walked to the front steps.
Ding dong! Ding dong!
A woman with impressive sneakers answered the door.
"Oh hi and you must be?"
She was carrying quite the load of books and files.
"Oh, I'm Gabriel. Let me help you with that." I grabbed the stack.
"Where should I put them?" I asked.
"Right there on the desk."
"Okay."
I set them down on the desk.
"Hi I'm Gwen." She held out her hand.
"I'm Gabriel." I shook her hand.
"Alright Gabriel have a seat. Any where's fine."
I sat down in a lazyboy. She sat down behind a huge desk.
"So let's start out with the basics. What's your full name?"
"Gabriel Dexter Jaro."
"Oh so your Daniel's friend."
"That's me."
"How old are you?"
"Twenty three."
"What's your favorite color?"
"Red."
"Favorite movie?"
"Don't have one."
"Favorite show?"
"Heroes."
"Favorite book?"
"Out of My Mind."
"Family members?"
"Biological family or foster family?"
"Biological first then foster family."
"My mom, my dad and Eden."
"How old is Eden?"
"She was seven when she was murdered."
She scribbled some shit down.
"Are your parents living?"
"Nope."
"How did they die?"
"My mom died while at work and I shot my father."
"Why did you shoot him?"
"Because he kept beating me and mom, he'd drown me, starve me, whip me, punch me, and rape me every night."
She scribble some more shit down.
"Foster family?"
"Five sisters, two brothers, and a mom and dad."
"Names?"
"Ummm...Ava, Alice, Angel, Angelina, and Matilda. Mario and Max."
"Friends?"
"Daniel, Kyle, and Peter."
"Schooling?"
"Public school."
"Why did you come today?"
"Because Daniel says I should."
"Why does he think that?"
"Because I'm addicted to sex."
"Do you think your addicted to sex?"
"Not really. I think of it as a way to provide sleep."
"Have you tried sleeping pills?"
"I've tried everything."
"We could try treating it using other methods or we could just talk about it, it's up to you. What do you think?"
"Other methods."
"Great we'll start tomorrow."
"Goodbye!" I yelled before running out the door.
The first of many visits.
I have radiation tomorrow so I need to get some rest...goodnight...actually good morning!
I couldn't drive to the hospital and I certainly couldn't ride the bus so I called 911. I got to the hospital quickly so that's a plus. They gave me some drugs to help me sleep and said that they would get a neurosurgeon to look at it. I fell asleep at last.
I woke up. I guess they did an MRI while I was sleeping. I don't remember it at all but the nurse said I was awake. I have a Glioblastoma tumor, the survival rate for this type of tumor is 13 percent. I had radiation therapy today as well.
I can't think straight so if you can read this thank autocorrect.
I don't know where Daniel is or when he's coming back. I think I'm going to go to my moms house today if I start feeling better. My ferret died...I'm not sure how...probably from the stench. My apartment wasn't exactly in the greatest condition.
I can't walk or talk right now I hardly can think. I tried to stand up again but no luck so far. I tipped over a bunch of chairs. Where's a blasted wheelchair? I leaned against the wall and managed to open the door. I was in my apartment building...how the hell did I get here??? I am confused and tired. Tired of not being able to do anything for myself or anything at all.
I have no feeling in my legs or arms. The bulge on my head is getting bigger. I have a extremely bad headache. I'm breathing really heavily for no apparent reason. My eyes are still dilated and one of them is light blue and the other is really dark brown it looks retarded. Since I had radiation today I hardly have any hair. I'm really hungry and I want to take off this dumb bandage that's around my ribs but it hurts when I move. I can't talk and I'm losing my vision rapidly.
Even if I do survive the treatment they're only giving me two more years to live...what am I supposed to do with two years? They said I should keep my room really hot so the tumor is more vulnerable to the radiation therapy. So my room is about 80 degrees and I am drenched in sweat. At least I don't have to stay at the hospital.
I got up and puked again. Where the hell is Daniel? I grabbed the phone and called him...I quickly remembered that I can't talk and hung up.
So I am alone once again...in the end I'm always alone. I got up and balanced myself. I walked to the kitchen. I looked in the fridge...mustard. I dug through my cupboards and found some pudding cups. I like pudding. I ate about twenty pudding cups and fell asleep on the floor.
I woke up and crawled to the living room. I laid on the floor and turned on the TV. Yay Heroes was in the DVD player. I like Heroes. I got season four for Christmas from my foster sister...I don't remember which one....I think it was from Matilda but it could have been from Ava or maybe Lola...no wait....Lola was a lady who owned a club I used to work at...so I obviously don't have a clue what their names our or who gave it to me.
I crawled onto the couch. I reached for the remote but I lost balance and fell on my face...if I could say anything I'd be swearing up a storm. I grabbed the remote angrily and laid back down on the couch. I kept hitting the wrong buttons. I got frustrated and threw it...it shattered into a gazillion pieces. I crawled to the TV and hit play. It was the episode where Sylar emerges out of Nathan and Peter beats the shit out of Sylar until Nathan came again. Then Peter has to let go of Nathan who is dangling off the side of a building...it is quite the show.
About half way into the episode I was having trouble understanding what they were saying. Normally when this happens I just turn on the subtitles but of course I am seeing double which makes any kind of reading almost impossible.
I got up carefully and walked super slowly towards the TV and turned it off. I walked sort of sideways to the cupboards I grabbed some jello cups and a spoon. I don't know why but I really like pudding and jello.
I walked ever so carefully to the couch again. I tried to think about something other then dying while I ate my jello.
Knock knock knock knock....
"Gabriel? Are you home?"
"Is opppen," I sort of said.
"Are you ok?"
"Nnno."
He opened the door and plugged his nose.
"What happened?"
"It's back."
"The cancer?"
"The tttumorr."
"I'm really really sorry I wasn't here last night but I got held up at work."
I likely story. I bet he was at a club somewhere. What kind of a barbershop stays open that late at night. Maybe he's doing his boss...? I don't know but I'm sure he wasn't working...I guess it could be considered work....maybe.
"Dddid you bbbring annything to eat?"
"Yep, I got loads of unhealthy stuff to chomp on."
"Dddaniel..." I wasn't sure how to tell him, but I knew I had to.
"What Gabriel?"
"I'm dddying." I breathed heavily. I was glad that I told him.
He was speechless. I held back my stuttering for a little bit so I could sound more serious.
"The ddoctors say I hhave abbout a wwweek."
He rushed over to me and gave me a really tight hug. He sat there crying on my shoulder for awhile.
"I'll clean up the mess you get some rest." He sniffled.
"I'll tttry."
He kept crying. I fell asleep for a couple minutes.
Someone was shaking my shoulder.
"Gabriel wake up..."
It was Daniel. I sat up and looked around I felt like a rabbit poking its head out of it's hole and then....SNAP...you're trapped. There were all my sisters and brothers...staring at me.
"Hhhi." I was shocked.
"Wwwhy are ttthey here?" I whispered to Daniel.
"They want you to know they're here for you no matter what."
I looked like hell and he invites all my foster family over...thanks Daniel thanks.
I was dizzy and tired...
"Gabriel wake up...come on...wake up! Wake up!"
Daniel was shaking me.
"Dude what do you want?" Huh...no stuttering.
"It's like twelve."
"So what?"
"So it's time to eat."
"Let's go out to eat."
"Are you sure you're up for it?"
"Yep."
I stood up and felt a little dizzy but not much. I walked to the bathroom and got what little hair I have left combed.
"Where do you want to go?"
I walked to my room and changed out of my sweaty clothes and into nice clean clothes.
"Panda Express."
I like Panda Express a lot. I went back to the living room.
"You ready?"
"Yep."
He grabbed his keys.
"Just wait I forgot my socks."
"Socks would be nice."
I ran to my room and pulled some socks and shoes on.
"Now I'm ready."
"Good."
I walked outside. I was feeling a lot better my arm was still tingling and I still had a headache but it wasn't so bad. The fresh air felt so good. I think personality changes is one of the side effects that last even when the tumor is gone. I'm kind of hoping it is...cause I'm feeling great.
He drove to the Panda Express. We sat down inside.
"Man, I'm starving." I looked at a menu.
"What can I get you?" A waitress asked.
I ordered and then Daniel ordered.
I stared out the window until our food came.
"Dana...that's a pretty name." I said.
She put our food on the table.
"Thank you. Can I get you boys anything else?"
"I can think of a few things, but I don't think they're on the menu." I said slyly.
"That's a no." Daniel said.
She walked away.
We started eating.
"I'm clearly having withdrawals." If you haven't caught on yet...I'm addicted to sex.
"I can tell."
"What does the doctor prescribe?"
"You really need to stop."
"Stop what?"
"You're so addicted its not even funny."
"I can't help it. I get urges just like everybody else."
"Yeah but everyone else deals with it instead of giving into it all the time."
"I do not give in all the time. Just most of the time."
"You should see a shrink."
He was serious...I thought we were just joking around.
"Well I was seeing one but I slept with him and then Amber broke up with me because apparently my shrink was her dad and he was stupid enough to tell her about our happenstance."
"You're really messed up."
"A lot of people say that about me, my mom, Amber, Kevin, Alice, Ava, Lola, Samuel, my doctor, Mario, Matilda, Avery, my dad, Eva, Grace, Angel, Angelina, Ben, Jake, Luke, Drake, Nash, Carl, Keelee, Relene, Roxy, Trixie, Max, Kyle, Peter, Sam, and a bunch of others, but I never thought I'd see the day when you'd say that."
"Well believe it."
"I just know what I want and how to get it."
"Whatever dude."
I was almost finished eating but Daniel had tons left to eat. I finished eating, threw away my trash and washed my hands. Daniel had just finished when I got back. I threw away his trash and he washed his hands. We left in silence.
We were almost to Daniel's house.
"I don't understand. How am I anymore messed up then everyone else? So every once in awhile I act on my urges...so what?"
"You'll never get enough of it. It'll eat away at your soul."
"Fine I'll see a damn shrink."
"We have to be there by 3 so we got about an hour too kill."
I was going to say something related to my issues but I decided not to cause reason for further alarm.
"You have this all figured out, don't you?" I said.
"Yep."
I thought about me dying again...I'm not afraid of dying...I'm just afraid I'll die alone.
Then I thought about why I was addicted to sex. I crave connection with other humans and sex seems like the way to go...it's about the only time people truly enjoy my company.
So we drove to Daniels house and I read a book about people like me...it's kind of helpful knowing that there are others like me.
"Hey Daniel."
"What?"
"It says here that I am supposed to try to be emotional. What do they mean by emotional?"
"They probably mean like expressing how you feel about stuff."
"Oh, well I hate shrinks...like that?"
"Yeh I guess so. Are you ready to go?"
"About as ready as I'm going to be."
"Let's go then."
I grabbed my book, pulled on my shoes, and got in the car.
"To the shrink!!" I said triumphantly.
And we were off.
"What's my new shrinks name?"
"Gwen."
"So it's a girl shrink?"
"What do you think?"
"Yeh."
"Bravo, all hail Gabriel The Genius."
The building appeared to be a house as well. I walked to the front steps.
Ding dong! Ding dong!
A woman with impressive sneakers answered the door.
"Oh hi and you must be?"
She was carrying quite the load of books and files.
"Oh, I'm Gabriel. Let me help you with that." I grabbed the stack.
"Where should I put them?" I asked.
"Right there on the desk."
"Okay."
I set them down on the desk.
"Hi I'm Gwen." She held out her hand.
"I'm Gabriel." I shook her hand.
"Alright Gabriel have a seat. Any where's fine."
I sat down in a lazyboy. She sat down behind a huge desk.
"So let's start out with the basics. What's your full name?"
"Gabriel Dexter Jaro."
"Oh so your Daniel's friend."
"That's me."
"How old are you?"
"Twenty three."
"What's your favorite color?"
"Red."
"Favorite movie?"
"Don't have one."
"Favorite show?"
"Heroes."
"Favorite book?"
"Out of My Mind."
"Family members?"
"Biological family or foster family?"
"Biological first then foster family."
"My mom, my dad and Eden."
"How old is Eden?"
"She was seven when she was murdered."
She scribbled some shit down.
"Are your parents living?"
"Nope."
"How did they die?"
"My mom died while at work and I shot my father."
"Why did you shoot him?"
"Because he kept beating me and mom, he'd drown me, starve me, whip me, punch me, and rape me every night."
She scribble some more shit down.
"Foster family?"
"Five sisters, two brothers, and a mom and dad."
"Names?"
"Ummm...Ava, Alice, Angel, Angelina, and Matilda. Mario and Max."
"Friends?"
"Daniel, Kyle, and Peter."
"Schooling?"
"Public school."
"Why did you come today?"
"Because Daniel says I should."
"Why does he think that?"
"Because I'm addicted to sex."
"Do you think your addicted to sex?"
"Not really. I think of it as a way to provide sleep."
"Have you tried sleeping pills?"
"I've tried everything."
"We could try treating it using other methods or we could just talk about it, it's up to you. What do you think?"
"Other methods."
"Great we'll start tomorrow."
"Goodbye!" I yelled before running out the door.
The first of many visits.
I have radiation tomorrow so I need to get some rest...goodnight...actually good morning!
December 22, 2012
I don't remember anything...except my sister.
Well today was interesting I guess...I can't really say much other then that because that's all I really know. Ok so this is what I remember...
I remember I was in bed I think I had just woken up so I sat up. It was 11:47 AM...
"Oh shit I'm late for my appointment." I couldn't be late...not today. I put some pants on grabbed my coat and left. I couldn't catch a cab so I started walking. I was so mad at myself staying up late. I broke into a jog which soon turned into a sprint. Blackness....
It was dark out. I was on a deserted highway. I had blood all over my head and stomach. I couldn't think of anything other then where the hell am I and how did I get here. I walked onto the paved road. My feet felt like they couldn't support me...so I fell on my knees.
"Where the hell am I???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I shouted at the top of my lungs.
There must've been a police station nearby or someone called them, because within a couple seconds there was a squad car coming my way with its lights flashing. I stood up slowly.
"Are you ok?" The officer looked at me kind of weird. "Um...we're going to need an ambulance." He said on one of those radio things.
"What's your situation?" The other guy on a radio asked.
"There's a man I found on the highway with massive injuries, and I think he's drunk." He said.
I hobbled toward him.
"Is there a problem officer?" I said it like I didn't know what he was doing here.
"No there's no problem the ambulance is on it's way meanwhile you should just lay down." He said. "There's room in the back if you want."
I accepted his offer and hopped in the back seat. My head was throbbing...I touched where it hurt and it felt slimy so I put my hand down. It was covered in blood. I grinned at the site of blood. I snickered a little. Then put my innocent face back on.
"What happened?" The officer asked.
"I....I don't remember." I said trying to look as innocent as possible. I wasn't sure what I had done or what happened to me but I was sure it wasn't good. I fell asleep.
Whirrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!, whrrrrrrrrrr!!!! The ambulance came speedily. I woke up just in time. The paramedics rushed out. The officer got out of the car walked over to them and explained the situation. They ran toward the car and got me on a stretcher.
"What's your name?" The one paramedic asked.
"I don't know...I don't know anything." I said almost defensively.
I arrived at the hospital and was rushed to the ER.
"What is he in for?" A nurse asked the paramedic.
"He has blunt force trauma to the head, three cracked ribs, and massive memory loss."
"Oh goody." The nurse said enthusiastically.
I didn't find anything good about my current state but I kept my mouth shut. I thought about stuff instead. I thought about who I was, what happened to me, if I had family, where I lived, where I worked, let's just say I had a lot to think about.
I was taken to surgery. They hooked me up to some sort of sleep medication doohickey.
"Just relax you'll fall asleep soon Gabriel."
"Huh...Gabriel." I managed to say before passing out.
While sleeping I thought about a girl. Her name was Eden. We were in a huge field of tall dry grass.
"Gabriel let's play house." She begged.
"I don't want to play right now."
"Watcha drawin?"
"A circus."
"Please please please play house with me." She begged and begged.
"Fine I'll play house with you." I said in defeat, "But only for a little while."
"I'm the mommy and your the daddy." She stated.
"But I'm your brother how can I be a daddy." I said teasingly.
"Well Gabriel, one day your gonna grow up and get married." She said smartly. "And maybe then you'll be a daddy."
The dream stopped and I was transported to a different memory.
I was in a dark alley. I was laying on the cold ground. I tried to stand up but my leg was broken. I grabbed the edge of a recycling bin and lifted myself up. I propped myself against it and looked around. It was so dark I could hardly make out a figure laying on the ground in the alley across from mine.
"Eden?" I said my voice was shaky.
No reply.
"Eden is that you?" I hobbled towards the body.
She was dead. Her cold steely eyes stared right at me. She rested in a pool of dry blood.
"Eden...." My voice cracked. I couldn't stop crying.
"He's going to be back soon." I stated. "Don't worry though...I'll save you."
I picked up her cold corpse and carried her to a cemetery. There was a freshly dug hole just for her.
"I'm so sorry Eden...I should have been a better brother." I wept and wept. "I could have saved you."
I dropped Mr. Kilos (her stuffed dragon) in with her.
"Goodbye Eden." I sat there crying.
Transported once more.
I was at my father's house in the chamber. It was lighter then usual. There was a younger girl with me. My naked father entered...
"Hello kids." He said with a big grin. "What does god say we should do?"
"Respect our elders." She replied.
"Obey our parents." I replied.
"Good." He sneered.
"Take off your clothes." He demanded.
We did as we were told. He went towards me first.
"Do you remember what to do?" He asked me.
"Yes father." I replied.
I laid down on the small mattress. He tied me up so tight I couldn't move. He started licking my dick and then he'd suck and bite real hard. It hurt but I knew if I screamed he'd only do it harder. So I kept my mouth shut.
"Your turn sweety." He said to the girl after letting me go.
He laid her down on the mattress.
"Come over here son I want to teach you something."
I came over.
He fucked her hard and then taught me how. I liked it but she was crying so I stopped.
"You can't stop just cause she's crying." He said. "You have to keep going harder and harder. You'll know when to stop."
So I kept going harder and harder. I went until I felt like I had lost control of everything. I stopped.
"That's better son." This was the only time my father encouraged me. "Did you feel it?" He asked.
"Yeah I felt it." I answered.
Blackness...
I woke up. I had a plate thing on my head where my skull used to be and a tight bandage around my ribs.
"Ouch." A nurse said while entering my room.
"Yeah it doesn't feel very good." I said smiling.
"Well the doctor will be here to checkup on you soon." She said.
"How did the surgery go?" I asked her.
"You kept screaming throughout it so we had to cut it a short." She said.
"What was I screaming?" I asked.
"You kept screaming 'Eden...Eden NOOOOOO!!!!!!'" She said. "And 'Why are you doing this too me!!'"
"I was dreaming." I said.
"And what were you dreaming about?" She asked.
"Me playing house with my sister. My sisters murder. And my dad raping me."
"Oh." She said sadly.
The doctor came in...
"Well here's the good news Gabriel." He said. "You made it through the surgery fine."
"That's good."
"The bad news is is you'll have to wear that plate the rest of your life."
"Psh that's not that bad." I said happily. "I have had worse."
"Well I'm glad to see you taking the news so good." He said.
"We recommend you go home and get your memory back on your own." He said, "No reading journals or diaries or anything like that you have to get your memory back on your own, but you'll have to stay overnight for that head injury."
So I haven't read any of my posts...I've just been sitting in this hospital bed trying to earn my memory back...it's hard work.
I don't have a shirt on so I'm freezing cold, and I haven't ate anything all day...except meds and two pudding cups. So this is it...this is my date with reality.
I remember I was in bed I think I had just woken up so I sat up. It was 11:47 AM...
"Oh shit I'm late for my appointment." I couldn't be late...not today. I put some pants on grabbed my coat and left. I couldn't catch a cab so I started walking. I was so mad at myself staying up late. I broke into a jog which soon turned into a sprint. Blackness....
It was dark out. I was on a deserted highway. I had blood all over my head and stomach. I couldn't think of anything other then where the hell am I and how did I get here. I walked onto the paved road. My feet felt like they couldn't support me...so I fell on my knees.
"Where the hell am I???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I shouted at the top of my lungs.
There must've been a police station nearby or someone called them, because within a couple seconds there was a squad car coming my way with its lights flashing. I stood up slowly.
"Are you ok?" The officer looked at me kind of weird. "Um...we're going to need an ambulance." He said on one of those radio things.
"What's your situation?" The other guy on a radio asked.
"There's a man I found on the highway with massive injuries, and I think he's drunk." He said.
I hobbled toward him.
"Is there a problem officer?" I said it like I didn't know what he was doing here.
"No there's no problem the ambulance is on it's way meanwhile you should just lay down." He said. "There's room in the back if you want."
I accepted his offer and hopped in the back seat. My head was throbbing...I touched where it hurt and it felt slimy so I put my hand down. It was covered in blood. I grinned at the site of blood. I snickered a little. Then put my innocent face back on.
"What happened?" The officer asked.
"I....I don't remember." I said trying to look as innocent as possible. I wasn't sure what I had done or what happened to me but I was sure it wasn't good. I fell asleep.
Whirrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!, whrrrrrrrrrr!!!! The ambulance came speedily. I woke up just in time. The paramedics rushed out. The officer got out of the car walked over to them and explained the situation. They ran toward the car and got me on a stretcher.
"What's your name?" The one paramedic asked.
"I don't know...I don't know anything." I said almost defensively.
I arrived at the hospital and was rushed to the ER.
"What is he in for?" A nurse asked the paramedic.
"He has blunt force trauma to the head, three cracked ribs, and massive memory loss."
"Oh goody." The nurse said enthusiastically.
I didn't find anything good about my current state but I kept my mouth shut. I thought about stuff instead. I thought about who I was, what happened to me, if I had family, where I lived, where I worked, let's just say I had a lot to think about.
I was taken to surgery. They hooked me up to some sort of sleep medication doohickey.
"Just relax you'll fall asleep soon Gabriel."
"Huh...Gabriel." I managed to say before passing out.
While sleeping I thought about a girl. Her name was Eden. We were in a huge field of tall dry grass.
"Gabriel let's play house." She begged.
"I don't want to play right now."
"Watcha drawin?"
"A circus."
"Please please please play house with me." She begged and begged.
"Fine I'll play house with you." I said in defeat, "But only for a little while."
"I'm the mommy and your the daddy." She stated.
"But I'm your brother how can I be a daddy." I said teasingly.
"Well Gabriel, one day your gonna grow up and get married." She said smartly. "And maybe then you'll be a daddy."
The dream stopped and I was transported to a different memory.
I was in a dark alley. I was laying on the cold ground. I tried to stand up but my leg was broken. I grabbed the edge of a recycling bin and lifted myself up. I propped myself against it and looked around. It was so dark I could hardly make out a figure laying on the ground in the alley across from mine.
"Eden?" I said my voice was shaky.
No reply.
"Eden is that you?" I hobbled towards the body.
She was dead. Her cold steely eyes stared right at me. She rested in a pool of dry blood.
"Eden...." My voice cracked. I couldn't stop crying.
"He's going to be back soon." I stated. "Don't worry though...I'll save you."
I picked up her cold corpse and carried her to a cemetery. There was a freshly dug hole just for her.
"I'm so sorry Eden...I should have been a better brother." I wept and wept. "I could have saved you."
I dropped Mr. Kilos (her stuffed dragon) in with her.
"Goodbye Eden." I sat there crying.
Transported once more.
I was at my father's house in the chamber. It was lighter then usual. There was a younger girl with me. My naked father entered...
"Hello kids." He said with a big grin. "What does god say we should do?"
"Respect our elders." She replied.
"Obey our parents." I replied.
"Good." He sneered.
"Take off your clothes." He demanded.
We did as we were told. He went towards me first.
"Do you remember what to do?" He asked me.
"Yes father." I replied.
I laid down on the small mattress. He tied me up so tight I couldn't move. He started licking my dick and then he'd suck and bite real hard. It hurt but I knew if I screamed he'd only do it harder. So I kept my mouth shut.
"Your turn sweety." He said to the girl after letting me go.
He laid her down on the mattress.
"Come over here son I want to teach you something."
I came over.
He fucked her hard and then taught me how. I liked it but she was crying so I stopped.
"You can't stop just cause she's crying." He said. "You have to keep going harder and harder. You'll know when to stop."
So I kept going harder and harder. I went until I felt like I had lost control of everything. I stopped.
"That's better son." This was the only time my father encouraged me. "Did you feel it?" He asked.
"Yeah I felt it." I answered.
Blackness...
I woke up. I had a plate thing on my head where my skull used to be and a tight bandage around my ribs.
"Ouch." A nurse said while entering my room.
"Yeah it doesn't feel very good." I said smiling.
"Well the doctor will be here to checkup on you soon." She said.
"How did the surgery go?" I asked her.
"You kept screaming throughout it so we had to cut it a short." She said.
"What was I screaming?" I asked.
"You kept screaming 'Eden...Eden NOOOOOO!!!!!!'" She said. "And 'Why are you doing this too me!!'"
"I was dreaming." I said.
"And what were you dreaming about?" She asked.
"Me playing house with my sister. My sisters murder. And my dad raping me."
"Oh." She said sadly.
The doctor came in...
"Well here's the good news Gabriel." He said. "You made it through the surgery fine."
"That's good."
"The bad news is is you'll have to wear that plate the rest of your life."
"Psh that's not that bad." I said happily. "I have had worse."
"Well I'm glad to see you taking the news so good." He said.
"We recommend you go home and get your memory back on your own." He said, "No reading journals or diaries or anything like that you have to get your memory back on your own, but you'll have to stay overnight for that head injury."
So I haven't read any of my posts...I've just been sitting in this hospital bed trying to earn my memory back...it's hard work.
I don't have a shirt on so I'm freezing cold, and I haven't ate anything all day...except meds and two pudding cups. So this is it...this is my date with reality.
December 17, 2012
My visit to the shrink...and my car.
Woke up on a park bench. I don't know how I got there but somehow I did. It was about 11 miles
back to my apartment so instead of walking I decided to call Amber. She didn't answer of course. I
looked at my watch and it was 11:47 AM. This is not good. I caught a cab and he took me to my
apartment. I walked slowly up the stairs.
My apartment door was open...I immediately thought the worst. I entered slowly and cautiously.
Amber was on the couch watching TV.
Amber, "It's about time you got back."
Me, "You weren't worried or anything?"
"No you were just going to meet with a potential client."
"I just woke up on a park bench. What time did I get up?"
"About 7 o'clock."
"Oh great. It's back." I said to myself.
"What's back?"
"My sleeping issues. I have an appointment with my shrink today."
"Ok I'll drive you."
"No I'll walk."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah his office is next door."
"Oh ok." She said it in a weird tone that I couldn't quite read.
So when the clock struck 12:00 I left. I was always on time for things like this. My shrinks name is
Kevin. I have no idea what his last name is.
Knock knock knock.
"Kevin it's Gabriel, please answer the door."
He always tests me with the door. Whether in patience or manners he always tests me with the
door.
"Your score for today is 83%," Kevin said while opening the door.
"Thank you for letting me in," I said politely.
"Your welcome, Gabriel."
I sat down on the long couch.
"Well Gabriel, how are you doing today?"
"I woke up on park bench."
"Oh I see...so do you think it's back?"
"Yeah that's what I'm afraid of."
"It's ok to be afraid Gabriel."
He says my name a lot I think it's supposed to make me feel secure or something.
"So how was your birthday? Did you have anyone over?"
"It was the best one I've ever had. I didn't plan on anyone coming over but this girl from Subway came over."
"What's her name?"
"Amber."
"Do you like Amber?"
"Of course I do."
"That's good. I am sorry it's late but happy birthday Gabriel."
He handed me a weird looking animal. I am pretty sure it's a ferret.
"Ouch." The stupid thing bit me.
"Here I'll get you a bandaid."
The blood looked warm and inviting as it trickled down my arm. I licked it off so it wouldn't go
down my shirt. Ew blood tastes gross.
"Here," he wrapped my arm up in a bunch of gauze. "I want you to take care of him. Feed and
water him twice a day. Here's some ferret food and his cage."
"I don't know about this, I've never been good with animals."
"Well nows as good a time as ever."
"I suppose. What's his name?"
"That's for you to decide."
"I think I'll call him Preston."
"That's a nice name. Wasn't that your first hallucinations name?"
"Yeah."
"Keep a log of what happens to Preston how he behaves and acts."
"Ok."
"So what else has been going on?"
"I met Amber's mom."
"I remember meeting my mother in law for the first time. I was extremely nervous."
I could tell he was trying to get me to tell him how I felt.
"Same here. I wasn't sure she would like me at first but she really liked my artwork. She liked the
one of me I was stupid and told her it was me, and of course she asked what happened to me. So
I told her everything and then everyone started crying. I said I was ok and hugged Amber but then
I started crying. It was really weird."
"It's good you're expressing your emotions and telling the truth. It seems to me that you're
becoming more and more capable of empathy."
"And then I went for a walk and told Amber I loved her right before I had another asthma attack.
And of course I left my inhaler at home."
"Did you mean it?"
"Of course I meant it what kind of a question is that?!" I got mad real mad.
"I am sorry Kevin it's just I have a lot going on right now." I said trying to calm down.
"It's ok Gabriel no need to apologize. I had no right to ask you that. Is Ryker back too?"
"Yeah."
"Have you been taking your meds?"
"Not meds again. Those things make everything go bizzark."
"How so?"
"They make it hard to think, I get huge headaches, I hear things, I stutter, and my hands get shaky
so I can't work."
"I see have you told your doctor about this?"
"Yeah, he just says, 'There's no other medication you can take so you'll just have to live with it,'
genius doctor genius. And of course then I get to pay $200 for that useless visit."
"Nice. My doctor was the same way that oh well attitude. Anything else been going on?"
"I had a stroke and a concussion and spent the night at the hospital."
"How did you get a concussion?"
"I fell from the stroke and whacked my head on the sink. Hence I am wearing this weird looking hat."
"I was wondering about that."
"Well now you know. I also went to Pizza Hut for the first time."
"How was it?"
"It was good I had two of those bread things."
"Breadsticks?"
"Yeah those. Amber called the carte a menu which I thought was dumb."
I don't know why but he started chuckling.
"What's so funny?"
"Nothing. Have you tried anything else new? Or learned anything else?"
"I laughed at a joke on TV."
"That's great, see you are making progress."
"Yeah. Looks like our times up."
"I'll see you next week Gabriel." I started walking out the door and then remembered to grab Preston.
"Remember twice a day."
"Ok I'll remember have a nice day Kevin." I said and shut the door.
I hope Amber is still here cause I forgot my keys inside. Knock knock knock....
"Who is it?" She shouted over the TV.
"It's Gabriel open the door."
"What's the password?"
"Let Gabriel in."
She opened the door. She didn't act surprised that I had a ferret.
"Amber meet Preston. Preston this is Amber."
"Hi Preston it's good to meet you," she took him out of the pen and pet him.
"Be careful he bites." I showed her my cut.
I got two little Tupperware containers, wrote Preston in permanent marker and filled one with
lukewarm water and the other with food.
"Here's some water Preston." I put the dish in his pen. He gulped it down.
"Oh and here's your food," I slid it to the corner of his cage.
"How did your appointment go?"
"Ok I guess."
I sat on the couch and fell asleep almost instantly. I woke up again at 3:47. A rerun of Heroes was
on TV I really liked that show and then stupid NBC cancelled it. It was the episode where Sylar
(Gabriel Grey) becomes partners with Bennett, and then Bennett asks the other guy with powers
to make Sylar disappear. The other guy says, 'I'm not going to be a monster' and then makes
himself disappear in a portal type thing. Claire (Bennett's daughter) gets really mad at Bennett. I
knew the episode by heart so I turned off the TV and went to the kitchen. Apparently Amber left.
"What should I make for dinner?" I asked Preston.
I gave him some time to think about it.
"Yeah I'm fresh out of ideas as well." I said.
"I think I'll make some ravioli," I said mostly to myself.
It normally takes two hours to make. So I started right away by getting out all the ingredients. Then Ryker made an appearance...it went something like this...
I turned around because I heard a noise. Then I heard it behind me again. I turned around and Ryker was two inches away from my face.
"Good god Ryker you can't just go around scaring me half to death."
"To late I just did."
"Y...y..you n...ne... need to leave me alone."
Ok your probably somewhat confused so I shall explain. Ryker is a hallucination. He is a human
hallucination. He looks a lot like Spock from Star Trek 2009 except his eyebrows are thinner and
his chin is a little different. He's been with me since I was seventeen (before the movie was
made). He gives me advice and can sometimes be really annoying. Because it's kind of hard to be
normal when you're talking to someone who isn't there. It's harder to focus when he's with me so I
stutter a lot. And that's pretty much all you need to know for now.
"Why would I do that?"
"B...because I n..n...need you too."
"Oh come on I'm just trying to have a little fun."
"Well ggggo have fffun somewhere else."
"What's been eating you?"
"I'm tttrying ttto cook. Nnnow llleave me alllone."
I heard the door close.
"Gabriel is that you?"
"Yyyes. I'm cccooking in the kkitchen,"
"Gggo away Ryker. Nnnow." I whispered to him.
"Is everything ok?"
"Yeah everything's ffffine and dandy."
"It smells delicious."
"It tastes even better." I said.
"Is it almost done? I am starving."
"Yep just six more minutes."
I went to Preston's cage and filled up his food and water dishes again. It's actually quite easy
taking care of a pet. You give it food and water and clean out its cage every once in awhile.
Sounds easy enough to me.
"I have a car," I said randomly. "You can drive it if you want."
"Really?" She acted surprised again...I seriously don't know why.
"Well I figured we might as well drive in style. It's the silver 2009 Camaro Lt outside." I tossed her
the keys.
The ravioli was done I took it out of the oven.
"Maybe when we're done eating we can take it for a spin."
"This is so awesome!" She squealed.
We ate fairly quickly I gave Preston the leftovers and grabbed my coat. That ferret will eat
anything.
She was too excited. All we were going to do is drive. I guess it's probably because my car is
awesome when compared to her 1998 Volkswagen Passat or any other car for that matter.
So we went outside and I showed her my car....she flipped. I made sure everything was in working
order. While she kept hugging my car it was kind of creeping me out so I gave her back the keys.
She sat down and fumbled with the keys.
"Thank you thank you thank you!!!!"
I still don't get what was so exciting.
"Your welcome," I said coolly.
"Where are we going?"
"You'll see."
So I did see until I fell asleep again.
"Gabriel, Gabriel wake up."
"Huh what. Why is it so dark?"
"It's dark because your hat is covering your eyes."
"Oh duh." I pulled my hat back up. "I know this place....this is my old house. How did you know where I used to live?"
"My dad told me."
Great just great her dad is my freakin shrink...why didn't I see that coming.
"Let me guess your dad is Kevin and you're both trying to mess with my mind."
"Why would I want to mess with your mind?"
"I don't know publicity maybe...I don't know!" I was getting mad.
"Calm down...I just thought you might want to help me tear it to the ground."
"You know I do."
She had axes in the trunk, gasoline, matches, a hose, man she came prepared. I couldn't have
done it better myself. She must have stopped at her house before coming here. I grabbed an axe
and walked through the small door to my room. I had a flashback of my mom tucking me in at
night in her scant clothes before she hit the streets. I broke a whole into one wall and walked
through it into the kitchen. I remember my father beating me with the broom because I burnt the
food a little. I got angry broke down two walls and kept walking I moved into the living room. I felt
like Hulk always angry. I remember my father raped me for the first time here. I remember he
always took videos and pictures of me. I stood in the middle of the room my anger boiled into rage
I rammed my axe through the wall again and again and again. I stood there for awhile crying.
Amber walked in...
"I'm sorry..." She said.
"Let's burn it." I said determined to see the end of these horrible memories. I think that burning it
down symbolizes the end of my old life...and the beginning of my new life...my life with emotions.
I went outside got the hose hooked up soaked the ground around the house to avoid a wildfire.
Went back inside drenched the building in gasoline. I made sure Amber was a safe distance
away. Then I lit the match and walked away. The house blew up into flames.
I got in the drivers seat rolled down the window and said...
"Need a lift?"
She laughed and got into the passengers seat.
It was my first time driving in six years. It felt like I was in charge of my life. Like I was in control.
Now I see what's so exciting about driving....you feel free.
We drove around town for awhile but I just wanted to lay down.
"Where do you live?" I asked Amber but she was sleeping so I called Kevin.
"Where does your daughter Amber live?" I asked smartly.
"How did you figure it out?" He asked.
"It was really quite simple actually you both have extremely rare deep green eyes. I just had to be
sure before I said anything."
He gave me the directions. I scribbled them down on my hand.
After a couple wrong turns I found her house. I pulled up into the driveway and parked. She lived
in a small house bigger then my apartment of course but small for a house. She should lock her doors I thought. It had four rooms a bedroom, a bathroom, a kitchen and a living room.
I went to the car and carried her inside to the bedroom. She woke up of course.
"Shhhhh...just go back to sleep." I said soothingly.
I laid beside her and thought about everything. I thought about how my life sounds like a pathetic book. A boy from a tragic home meets the girl of his dreams and her parents like him and they live happily ever after...I hope.
I felt like a new person like I just killed my psychopathic self. I don't know if this feeling will last
forever but I sure as hell hope it does.
back to my apartment so instead of walking I decided to call Amber. She didn't answer of course. I
looked at my watch and it was 11:47 AM. This is not good. I caught a cab and he took me to my
apartment. I walked slowly up the stairs.
My apartment door was open...I immediately thought the worst. I entered slowly and cautiously.
Amber was on the couch watching TV.
Amber, "It's about time you got back."
Me, "You weren't worried or anything?"
"No you were just going to meet with a potential client."
"I just woke up on a park bench. What time did I get up?"
"About 7 o'clock."
"Oh great. It's back." I said to myself.
"What's back?"
"My sleeping issues. I have an appointment with my shrink today."
"Ok I'll drive you."
"No I'll walk."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah his office is next door."
"Oh ok." She said it in a weird tone that I couldn't quite read.
So when the clock struck 12:00 I left. I was always on time for things like this. My shrinks name is
Kevin. I have no idea what his last name is.
Knock knock knock.
"Kevin it's Gabriel, please answer the door."
He always tests me with the door. Whether in patience or manners he always tests me with the
door.
"Your score for today is 83%," Kevin said while opening the door.
"Thank you for letting me in," I said politely.
"Your welcome, Gabriel."
I sat down on the long couch.
"Well Gabriel, how are you doing today?"
"I woke up on park bench."
"Oh I see...so do you think it's back?"
"Yeah that's what I'm afraid of."
"It's ok to be afraid Gabriel."
He says my name a lot I think it's supposed to make me feel secure or something.
"So how was your birthday? Did you have anyone over?"
"It was the best one I've ever had. I didn't plan on anyone coming over but this girl from Subway came over."
"What's her name?"
"Amber."
"Do you like Amber?"
"Of course I do."
"That's good. I am sorry it's late but happy birthday Gabriel."
He handed me a weird looking animal. I am pretty sure it's a ferret.
"Ouch." The stupid thing bit me.
"Here I'll get you a bandaid."
The blood looked warm and inviting as it trickled down my arm. I licked it off so it wouldn't go
down my shirt. Ew blood tastes gross.
"Here," he wrapped my arm up in a bunch of gauze. "I want you to take care of him. Feed and
water him twice a day. Here's some ferret food and his cage."
"I don't know about this, I've never been good with animals."
"Well nows as good a time as ever."
"I suppose. What's his name?"
"That's for you to decide."
"I think I'll call him Preston."
"That's a nice name. Wasn't that your first hallucinations name?"
"Yeah."
"Keep a log of what happens to Preston how he behaves and acts."
"Ok."
"So what else has been going on?"
"I met Amber's mom."
"I remember meeting my mother in law for the first time. I was extremely nervous."
I could tell he was trying to get me to tell him how I felt.
"Same here. I wasn't sure she would like me at first but she really liked my artwork. She liked the
one of me I was stupid and told her it was me, and of course she asked what happened to me. So
I told her everything and then everyone started crying. I said I was ok and hugged Amber but then
I started crying. It was really weird."
"It's good you're expressing your emotions and telling the truth. It seems to me that you're
becoming more and more capable of empathy."
"And then I went for a walk and told Amber I loved her right before I had another asthma attack.
And of course I left my inhaler at home."
"Did you mean it?"
"Of course I meant it what kind of a question is that?!" I got mad real mad.
"I am sorry Kevin it's just I have a lot going on right now." I said trying to calm down.
"It's ok Gabriel no need to apologize. I had no right to ask you that. Is Ryker back too?"
"Yeah."
"Have you been taking your meds?"
"Not meds again. Those things make everything go bizzark."
"How so?"
"They make it hard to think, I get huge headaches, I hear things, I stutter, and my hands get shaky
so I can't work."
"I see have you told your doctor about this?"
"Yeah, he just says, 'There's no other medication you can take so you'll just have to live with it,'
genius doctor genius. And of course then I get to pay $200 for that useless visit."
"Nice. My doctor was the same way that oh well attitude. Anything else been going on?"
"I had a stroke and a concussion and spent the night at the hospital."
"How did you get a concussion?"
"I fell from the stroke and whacked my head on the sink. Hence I am wearing this weird looking hat."
"I was wondering about that."
"Well now you know. I also went to Pizza Hut for the first time."
"How was it?"
"It was good I had two of those bread things."
"Breadsticks?"
"Yeah those. Amber called the carte a menu which I thought was dumb."
I don't know why but he started chuckling.
"What's so funny?"
"Nothing. Have you tried anything else new? Or learned anything else?"
"I laughed at a joke on TV."
"That's great, see you are making progress."
"Yeah. Looks like our times up."
"I'll see you next week Gabriel." I started walking out the door and then remembered to grab Preston.
"Remember twice a day."
"Ok I'll remember have a nice day Kevin." I said and shut the door.
I hope Amber is still here cause I forgot my keys inside. Knock knock knock....
"Who is it?" She shouted over the TV.
"It's Gabriel open the door."
"What's the password?"
"Let Gabriel in."
She opened the door. She didn't act surprised that I had a ferret.
"Amber meet Preston. Preston this is Amber."
"Hi Preston it's good to meet you," she took him out of the pen and pet him.
"Be careful he bites." I showed her my cut.
I got two little Tupperware containers, wrote Preston in permanent marker and filled one with
lukewarm water and the other with food.
"Here's some water Preston." I put the dish in his pen. He gulped it down.
"Oh and here's your food," I slid it to the corner of his cage.
"How did your appointment go?"
"Ok I guess."
I sat on the couch and fell asleep almost instantly. I woke up again at 3:47. A rerun of Heroes was
on TV I really liked that show and then stupid NBC cancelled it. It was the episode where Sylar
(Gabriel Grey) becomes partners with Bennett, and then Bennett asks the other guy with powers
to make Sylar disappear. The other guy says, 'I'm not going to be a monster' and then makes
himself disappear in a portal type thing. Claire (Bennett's daughter) gets really mad at Bennett. I
knew the episode by heart so I turned off the TV and went to the kitchen. Apparently Amber left.
"What should I make for dinner?" I asked Preston.
I gave him some time to think about it.
"Yeah I'm fresh out of ideas as well." I said.
"I think I'll make some ravioli," I said mostly to myself.
It normally takes two hours to make. So I started right away by getting out all the ingredients. Then Ryker made an appearance...it went something like this...
I turned around because I heard a noise. Then I heard it behind me again. I turned around and Ryker was two inches away from my face.
"Good god Ryker you can't just go around scaring me half to death."
"To late I just did."
"Y...y..you n...ne... need to leave me alone."
Ok your probably somewhat confused so I shall explain. Ryker is a hallucination. He is a human
hallucination. He looks a lot like Spock from Star Trek 2009 except his eyebrows are thinner and
his chin is a little different. He's been with me since I was seventeen (before the movie was
made). He gives me advice and can sometimes be really annoying. Because it's kind of hard to be
normal when you're talking to someone who isn't there. It's harder to focus when he's with me so I
stutter a lot. And that's pretty much all you need to know for now.
"Why would I do that?"
"B...because I n..n...need you too."
"Oh come on I'm just trying to have a little fun."
"Well ggggo have fffun somewhere else."
"What's been eating you?"
"I'm tttrying ttto cook. Nnnow llleave me alllone."
I heard the door close.
"Gabriel is that you?"
"Yyyes. I'm cccooking in the kkitchen,"
"Gggo away Ryker. Nnnow." I whispered to him.
"Is everything ok?"
"Yeah everything's ffffine and dandy."
"It smells delicious."
"It tastes even better." I said.
"Is it almost done? I am starving."
"Yep just six more minutes."
I went to Preston's cage and filled up his food and water dishes again. It's actually quite easy
taking care of a pet. You give it food and water and clean out its cage every once in awhile.
Sounds easy enough to me.
"I have a car," I said randomly. "You can drive it if you want."
"Really?" She acted surprised again...I seriously don't know why.
"Well I figured we might as well drive in style. It's the silver 2009 Camaro Lt outside." I tossed her
the keys.
The ravioli was done I took it out of the oven.
"Maybe when we're done eating we can take it for a spin."
"This is so awesome!" She squealed.
We ate fairly quickly I gave Preston the leftovers and grabbed my coat. That ferret will eat
anything.
She was too excited. All we were going to do is drive. I guess it's probably because my car is
awesome when compared to her 1998 Volkswagen Passat or any other car for that matter.
So we went outside and I showed her my car....she flipped. I made sure everything was in working
order. While she kept hugging my car it was kind of creeping me out so I gave her back the keys.
She sat down and fumbled with the keys.
"Thank you thank you thank you!!!!"
I still don't get what was so exciting.
"Your welcome," I said coolly.
"Where are we going?"
"You'll see."
So I did see until I fell asleep again.
"Gabriel, Gabriel wake up."
"Huh what. Why is it so dark?"
"It's dark because your hat is covering your eyes."
"Oh duh." I pulled my hat back up. "I know this place....this is my old house. How did you know where I used to live?"
"My dad told me."
Great just great her dad is my freakin shrink...why didn't I see that coming.
"Let me guess your dad is Kevin and you're both trying to mess with my mind."
"Why would I want to mess with your mind?"
"I don't know publicity maybe...I don't know!" I was getting mad.
"Calm down...I just thought you might want to help me tear it to the ground."
"You know I do."
She had axes in the trunk, gasoline, matches, a hose, man she came prepared. I couldn't have
done it better myself. She must have stopped at her house before coming here. I grabbed an axe
and walked through the small door to my room. I had a flashback of my mom tucking me in at
night in her scant clothes before she hit the streets. I broke a whole into one wall and walked
through it into the kitchen. I remember my father beating me with the broom because I burnt the
food a little. I got angry broke down two walls and kept walking I moved into the living room. I felt
like Hulk always angry. I remember my father raped me for the first time here. I remember he
always took videos and pictures of me. I stood in the middle of the room my anger boiled into rage
I rammed my axe through the wall again and again and again. I stood there for awhile crying.
Amber walked in...
"I'm sorry..." She said.
"Let's burn it." I said determined to see the end of these horrible memories. I think that burning it
down symbolizes the end of my old life...and the beginning of my new life...my life with emotions.
I went outside got the hose hooked up soaked the ground around the house to avoid a wildfire.
Went back inside drenched the building in gasoline. I made sure Amber was a safe distance
away. Then I lit the match and walked away. The house blew up into flames.
I got in the drivers seat rolled down the window and said...
"Need a lift?"
She laughed and got into the passengers seat.
It was my first time driving in six years. It felt like I was in charge of my life. Like I was in control.
Now I see what's so exciting about driving....you feel free.
We drove around town for awhile but I just wanted to lay down.
"Where do you live?" I asked Amber but she was sleeping so I called Kevin.
"Where does your daughter Amber live?" I asked smartly.
"How did you figure it out?" He asked.
"It was really quite simple actually you both have extremely rare deep green eyes. I just had to be
sure before I said anything."
He gave me the directions. I scribbled them down on my hand.
After a couple wrong turns I found her house. I pulled up into the driveway and parked. She lived
in a small house bigger then my apartment of course but small for a house. She should lock her doors I thought. It had four rooms a bedroom, a bathroom, a kitchen and a living room.
I went to the car and carried her inside to the bedroom. She woke up of course.
"Shhhhh...just go back to sleep." I said soothingly.
I laid beside her and thought about everything. I thought about how my life sounds like a pathetic book. A boy from a tragic home meets the girl of his dreams and her parents like him and they live happily ever after...I hope.
I felt like a new person like I just killed my psychopathic self. I don't know if this feeling will last
forever but I sure as hell hope it does.
December 16, 2012
Another day...(it's long cause 24 hours is a lot to cover).
Well the doctors are now saying that I can go home. Amber is going to keep an eye on me still. It
feels weird. Another human being likes me...I suppose it's because she doesn't know everything
about me. I don't quite believe that she loves me yet. There's got to be a catch. There always is.
Amber drove me home (since I can't legally drive do to medical complications). Just walking up
the stairs was tiring. I have never felt this weak since my father was alive. I entered my apartment
with a newfound surge of energy. It was strange. I wasn't tired anymore so I flicked on the TV and
went to the kitchen. I got a glass of water and told Amber to help herself to anything in the
refrigerator. She took me up on the offer and got a glass of milk. I sunk into the poorly stuffed
couch. I started thinking about stuff that I shouldn't think of...and then I was bursted out of it
when...
Amber asked, "Do you want to go out to eat?"
I was shocked that she made a move, but relieved that I didn't have too.
"Sure, where to?"
"I don't know. Where do you want to go?"
"Somewhere with good food."
"How about Pizza Hut?"
"I was thinking more on the line of skittles."
"How about we pick you up some skittles and then go to Pizza Hut?"
"Sounds good to me." I like how she solves problems while leaving me in the equation. I have met
a lot of people (2) who don't posses this wonderful quality.
So we left and headed for a gas station to fill the car up and get me some skittles. I never really
liked skittles or candy in general. But I think that concussion did something to me...it changed me.
People are looking less and less obscene I even laughed at a joke (which is shocking). I think I'm
going to feel some emotions soon. It feels like I am transforming into a different person.
She filled up the car and I bought myself some skittles.
I handed her some money to pay for the gas and she acted shocked....I don't know why.
"It's fine I'll pay."
"I am not taking no for in answer."
"Seriously it's fine."
"No it's not. I haven't done anything nice for you. Your driving me all around town I should at least
pay for it."
"Fine but I owe you."
"You don't owe me anything."
"Then keep it."
"Come on I am trying to do something nice, but you're making it extremely difficult. Just take it."
She grabbed the money and walked away in defeat. She paid for the gas while I waited in the car.
I could hear what was going on inside....
Cashier, "Looks like you got yourself a keeper."
Amber, "Yeah."
Cashier, "How long have you two been together...if you don't mind me asking."
Amber, "Two days, counting today."
Cashier, "You guys are a nice couple. It's hard to come by people like you guys these days."
Amber, "Yeah, have a nice day."
She came outside with a card hopped in the car signed it quick and handed it to me. I have never
been to a gas station that sells cards...strange.
Me, "What's this for?"
"Your birthday weirdo."
It read, Happy Birthday to someone special! Love, Amber.
"You didn't have to get me anything."
"No but I wanted to." She started the car and we drove off.
"Well thanks."
A couple minutes later we arrive at Pizza Hut.
I held my messenger bag close. It held my skittles, my iPad 2, sheet music, pencils, Legos, and a
camera.
I held the door for her of course. I felt like such a gentleman.
Amber, "So what are you getting?"
Me, "Water."
Amber, "Let me rephrase that, what are you getting for lunch?"
Me, "I don't know I've never been to Pizza Hut."
Amber, "You've got to be kidding me."
"Nope. I've never in my life been to a Pizza Hut."
"They have pizza, chicken wings, salad, breadsticks, pop, slushies, and lots of other stuff. Here
you can look at the menu while we wait."
"What the hell is a menu and why would I want to look at it?"
"You don't get out much do you?"
"Not really."
"It shows. This is a menu." She showed me a piece of paper with a protective coating over it and
lots of pictures of food.
"Oh I see you mean a carte."
"I guess so. You just look at what's on the menu and then tell the waiter what you want."
"I know. Did you think that I'm that stupid?" I said sarcastically.
"No. I just want to make sure you understand."
"I'll have whatever this is." I pointed to a long rectangular piece of what looked like bread.
"That's a breadstick."
"Ok I'll have two of those."
The waitress sneaks up behind me and startles me.
Waitress, "And what would you like to drink with that?"
"I'll have a water."
Waitress, "And what about you ma'am?"
Amber, "I'll have a salad, and a lemonade."
Waitress, "Pink lemonade or just regular?"
I thought about that for a minute...I wonder how they get the lemonade to turn pink? I thought it
was probably a chemical reaction or something and dismissed it.
Amber, "Pink."
Waitress, "Coming right up."
Me, "We go to Pizza Hut and we don't even get pizza."
A few minutes later we get our drinks.
"What makes pink lemonade pink?" I asked.
"I'm pretty sure it's food coloring."
"Oh." I didn't know what food coloring was but I wasn't about to make myself look even more
idiotic by asking. So instead we sat in silence.
I started thinking. I thought about what it must be like to feel emotions. To be able to say, "I am
sorry," and mean it. To feel happy when something good happens. It sounds like a dream but it's
going to happen to me. I will feel something...I have to.
Our food came...
Waitress, "Can I get you guys anything else?"
Me, "No it looks like you got everything right."
Waitress, "Ok just holler if you need anything."
Amber, "Have you ever had a breadstick before?"
"Nope, but it looks good," I said. "Here goes nothing." I took a huge bite and thought really hard
about the flavor and texture.
"How does it taste?"
"What did you say this was called again?"
"It's a breadstick."
"Well this breadstick is good."
"I am glad you like it."
She says everything with a smile...I like her smile. I wish I could smile for real.
"Do you have any relatives?" She asked.
I hate this conversation already.
"Nope it's just me."
"Oh, I am sorry."
"There's nothing to be sorry about. My mom was a hooker. My father tortured and raped me until I
had enough and put a bullet in him. My grandpa thought I was possessed. My grandma thought I
was the devil. And my aunt and uncle tried to kill me seven times. My real father now he was a
good guy he was a doctor and a great dad."
"What happened to him?"
"He took the place of a little girl in a robbery."
"That must be where you got your bravery."
"Yeah, I guess so." I tried to force a smile but failed miserably.
"I am sorry about your dad."
"Yeah me too. What about you do you got any family?"
"Yep. I've got a dad and a mom."
"That's nice."
"You should meet them sometime my mom would love to meet you."
"That would be nice."
"Good it's settled then. When we finish eating we can go to my parents house."
"Okay."
Me, "Man you're a slow eater."
"Well some of us eat a real lunch."
I thought about it for awhile and figured she was referring to the portions of food.
"Well some of us have shrunken stomachs due to starvation and dehydration," I retorted.
There was a long and awkward silence.
Me, "Is there anything I should know about your parents?"
"My mom will probably be analyzing your every move. And my dad is probably at work."
I was taking this so seriously. Like I had one shot for approval.
Amber had just finished eating so I waited a minute.
Me, "Are you ready to leave?"
"Yeah."
I left a tip and paid the bill.
"To your mother's house." I said with determination.
"Yep."
When we got in the car I had one reoccurring thought... What if her mom doesn't like me?
In 6 minutes and fifty seven seconds we arrived. I kept track of time....meaning I am nervous...I have never been nervous in my life until now.
"What should I say?" I asked nervously.
"Just be yourself."
I had a feeling that her mom wouldn't like me for who I was, but I would be myself nonetheless.
The house was huge it wouldn't surprise me if they had servants. It was two stories tall that's
huge. I can't imagine living in a house this big. We walked through the huge doors I held the door.
I once again felt like a gentleman.
I feel like a peasant. There's glass chandlers and a fancy staircase. And what do I look like? A
beggar who just came off the streets.
"Mom?" Amber shouts through the hallways. We go through a glass door back outside. Oh
goodness they have a swimming pool...who the hell are these people?
"I am back here sweety!" She replies.
"There's someone I'd like you to meet."
Her, "Is he cute?"
"Mommmm...just come out here please."
"Ok, fine you win."
Her mom came over to the pool by us. It feels awkward yet again.
"Mom, this is Gabriel. Gabriel, this is my mom."
"It's a pleasure to meet you," I said rather smoothly.
"It's nice to meet you too," she said.
I can't quite understand how to meet new people.
"Gabriel is an artist." Amber said to break the awkward silence.
"What's your medium?" She asked.
"Excuse me? I don't understand to what medium you are referring too."
"It's like a type like pencil, pen, paint, ETC." Amber said.
"Well I do all sorts of art mostly pencil, I paint as well. I am also starting to do Lego art."
"Do you have any with you?"
"Yeah but I left it in the car. Would you like me to go get it?"
"That would be nice."
Amber tossed me the keys and gave me a weird look.
I ran to the car grabbed my messenger bag and ran back as quickly as I could.
"I like this one," she said to Amber.
That's good to hear...don't mess this up.
"And I am back," I said with a smile.
I walked over to the table and laid out all the artwork I had with me.
"Which one do you like the most?" I inquired.
"This one." She pointed to the one of me trapped in the soundproof room my father used to lock
me in...I was scraggly, weak, dirty, covered in blood, scars all over my face, and you could see my
ribs.
"Nice choice. You can have it."
"No this must have taken you ages to draw I'll pay for it."
"No it's fine really. I couldn't let you pay for it."
"No I insist."
"No one else wants it. It's just a self portrait I did in the eighth grade."
"This is you?"
"Yeah, who did you think it was?"
"What happened to you?"
"I really don't wish to talk about it, but I figure it'll have to come up sooner or later. So here goes
nothing...I was 7 when my mom died and then I was handed off to my dad. My dad would take me
to church every Sunday and after church he'd take me home and say, "God says to obey your
parents," then he'd tell me to take my clothes off, and then he'd rape me. He would sometimes
beat me unconscious and then when I'd come to he'd beat me again. He would lock me in a
soundproof room until I memorized a book of the bible. I stayed in there for weeks without food or
water. He would hold me under in the bathtub until I lost consciousness. One day I found a gun in
his closet...and let's just say when he got home he got a little surprise...and he now resides in a
cemetery. I'm glad I got that out of my system."
"So you can keep the picture it's just a pitiful reminder of my past." I said.
She took the picture which made me feel better.
Amber was crying... I wasn't sure what to do so I went over to her and hugged her. I kept saying I
was fine but she kept crying. I started to cry too...I haven't cried since I was a baby. I am amazed
at my empathy it feels so good to be able to feel emotions again.
Her mom just stared at us until she started crying too. The afternoon had turned into a big group
hug. When we all stopped crying I said I was going for a walk. Amber came with me.
"Why didn't didn't you just tell me?" She asked.
"Because I was afraid I'd lose you."
"You aren't getting rid of me that easily."
"I couldn't risk it. I...I...love you." I managed to stutter before having a asthma attack.
I died. Apparently Ambers mom ran to get her inhaler but I had already stopped breathing. So
Amber gave me CPR. She saved my life. I really love her. I meant it. This feels extremely weird.
Almost like I'm another person. I have died six times in my life...I've never felt so alive.
We went back to my apartment and had a good time for the rest of the night.
feels weird. Another human being likes me...I suppose it's because she doesn't know everything
about me. I don't quite believe that she loves me yet. There's got to be a catch. There always is.
Amber drove me home (since I can't legally drive do to medical complications). Just walking up
the stairs was tiring. I have never felt this weak since my father was alive. I entered my apartment
with a newfound surge of energy. It was strange. I wasn't tired anymore so I flicked on the TV and
went to the kitchen. I got a glass of water and told Amber to help herself to anything in the
refrigerator. She took me up on the offer and got a glass of milk. I sunk into the poorly stuffed
couch. I started thinking about stuff that I shouldn't think of...and then I was bursted out of it
when...
Amber asked, "Do you want to go out to eat?"
I was shocked that she made a move, but relieved that I didn't have too.
"Sure, where to?"
"I don't know. Where do you want to go?"
"Somewhere with good food."
"How about Pizza Hut?"
"I was thinking more on the line of skittles."
"How about we pick you up some skittles and then go to Pizza Hut?"
"Sounds good to me." I like how she solves problems while leaving me in the equation. I have met
a lot of people (2) who don't posses this wonderful quality.
So we left and headed for a gas station to fill the car up and get me some skittles. I never really
liked skittles or candy in general. But I think that concussion did something to me...it changed me.
People are looking less and less obscene I even laughed at a joke (which is shocking). I think I'm
going to feel some emotions soon. It feels like I am transforming into a different person.
She filled up the car and I bought myself some skittles.
I handed her some money to pay for the gas and she acted shocked....I don't know why.
"It's fine I'll pay."
"I am not taking no for in answer."
"Seriously it's fine."
"No it's not. I haven't done anything nice for you. Your driving me all around town I should at least
pay for it."
"Fine but I owe you."
"You don't owe me anything."
"Then keep it."
"Come on I am trying to do something nice, but you're making it extremely difficult. Just take it."
She grabbed the money and walked away in defeat. She paid for the gas while I waited in the car.
I could hear what was going on inside....
Cashier, "Looks like you got yourself a keeper."
Amber, "Yeah."
Cashier, "How long have you two been together...if you don't mind me asking."
Amber, "Two days, counting today."
Cashier, "You guys are a nice couple. It's hard to come by people like you guys these days."
Amber, "Yeah, have a nice day."
She came outside with a card hopped in the car signed it quick and handed it to me. I have never
been to a gas station that sells cards...strange.
Me, "What's this for?"
"Your birthday weirdo."
It read, Happy Birthday to someone special! Love, Amber.
"You didn't have to get me anything."
"No but I wanted to." She started the car and we drove off.
"Well thanks."
A couple minutes later we arrive at Pizza Hut.
I held my messenger bag close. It held my skittles, my iPad 2, sheet music, pencils, Legos, and a
camera.
I held the door for her of course. I felt like such a gentleman.
Amber, "So what are you getting?"
Me, "Water."
Amber, "Let me rephrase that, what are you getting for lunch?"
Me, "I don't know I've never been to Pizza Hut."
Amber, "You've got to be kidding me."
"Nope. I've never in my life been to a Pizza Hut."
"They have pizza, chicken wings, salad, breadsticks, pop, slushies, and lots of other stuff. Here
you can look at the menu while we wait."
"What the hell is a menu and why would I want to look at it?"
"You don't get out much do you?"
"Not really."
"It shows. This is a menu." She showed me a piece of paper with a protective coating over it and
lots of pictures of food.
"Oh I see you mean a carte."
"I guess so. You just look at what's on the menu and then tell the waiter what you want."
"I know. Did you think that I'm that stupid?" I said sarcastically.
"No. I just want to make sure you understand."
"I'll have whatever this is." I pointed to a long rectangular piece of what looked like bread.
"That's a breadstick."
"Ok I'll have two of those."
The waitress sneaks up behind me and startles me.
Waitress, "And what would you like to drink with that?"
"I'll have a water."
Waitress, "And what about you ma'am?"
Amber, "I'll have a salad, and a lemonade."
Waitress, "Pink lemonade or just regular?"
I thought about that for a minute...I wonder how they get the lemonade to turn pink? I thought it
was probably a chemical reaction or something and dismissed it.
Amber, "Pink."
Waitress, "Coming right up."
Me, "We go to Pizza Hut and we don't even get pizza."
A few minutes later we get our drinks.
"What makes pink lemonade pink?" I asked.
"I'm pretty sure it's food coloring."
"Oh." I didn't know what food coloring was but I wasn't about to make myself look even more
idiotic by asking. So instead we sat in silence.
I started thinking. I thought about what it must be like to feel emotions. To be able to say, "I am
sorry," and mean it. To feel happy when something good happens. It sounds like a dream but it's
going to happen to me. I will feel something...I have to.
Our food came...
Waitress, "Can I get you guys anything else?"
Me, "No it looks like you got everything right."
Waitress, "Ok just holler if you need anything."
Amber, "Have you ever had a breadstick before?"
"Nope, but it looks good," I said. "Here goes nothing." I took a huge bite and thought really hard
about the flavor and texture.
"How does it taste?"
"What did you say this was called again?"
"It's a breadstick."
"Well this breadstick is good."
"I am glad you like it."
She says everything with a smile...I like her smile. I wish I could smile for real.
"Do you have any relatives?" She asked.
I hate this conversation already.
"Nope it's just me."
"Oh, I am sorry."
"There's nothing to be sorry about. My mom was a hooker. My father tortured and raped me until I
had enough and put a bullet in him. My grandpa thought I was possessed. My grandma thought I
was the devil. And my aunt and uncle tried to kill me seven times. My real father now he was a
good guy he was a doctor and a great dad."
"What happened to him?"
"He took the place of a little girl in a robbery."
"That must be where you got your bravery."
"Yeah, I guess so." I tried to force a smile but failed miserably.
"I am sorry about your dad."
"Yeah me too. What about you do you got any family?"
"Yep. I've got a dad and a mom."
"That's nice."
"You should meet them sometime my mom would love to meet you."
"That would be nice."
"Good it's settled then. When we finish eating we can go to my parents house."
"Okay."
Me, "Man you're a slow eater."
"Well some of us eat a real lunch."
I thought about it for awhile and figured she was referring to the portions of food.
"Well some of us have shrunken stomachs due to starvation and dehydration," I retorted.
There was a long and awkward silence.
Me, "Is there anything I should know about your parents?"
"My mom will probably be analyzing your every move. And my dad is probably at work."
I was taking this so seriously. Like I had one shot for approval.
Amber had just finished eating so I waited a minute.
Me, "Are you ready to leave?"
"Yeah."
I left a tip and paid the bill.
"To your mother's house." I said with determination.
"Yep."
When we got in the car I had one reoccurring thought... What if her mom doesn't like me?
In 6 minutes and fifty seven seconds we arrived. I kept track of time....meaning I am nervous...I have never been nervous in my life until now.
"What should I say?" I asked nervously.
"Just be yourself."
I had a feeling that her mom wouldn't like me for who I was, but I would be myself nonetheless.
The house was huge it wouldn't surprise me if they had servants. It was two stories tall that's
huge. I can't imagine living in a house this big. We walked through the huge doors I held the door.
I once again felt like a gentleman.
I feel like a peasant. There's glass chandlers and a fancy staircase. And what do I look like? A
beggar who just came off the streets.
"Mom?" Amber shouts through the hallways. We go through a glass door back outside. Oh
goodness they have a swimming pool...who the hell are these people?
"I am back here sweety!" She replies.
"There's someone I'd like you to meet."
Her, "Is he cute?"
"Mommmm...just come out here please."
"Ok, fine you win."
Her mom came over to the pool by us. It feels awkward yet again.
"Mom, this is Gabriel. Gabriel, this is my mom."
"It's a pleasure to meet you," I said rather smoothly.
"It's nice to meet you too," she said.
I can't quite understand how to meet new people.
"Gabriel is an artist." Amber said to break the awkward silence.
"What's your medium?" She asked.
"Excuse me? I don't understand to what medium you are referring too."
"It's like a type like pencil, pen, paint, ETC." Amber said.
"Well I do all sorts of art mostly pencil, I paint as well. I am also starting to do Lego art."
"Do you have any with you?"
"Yeah but I left it in the car. Would you like me to go get it?"
"That would be nice."
Amber tossed me the keys and gave me a weird look.
I ran to the car grabbed my messenger bag and ran back as quickly as I could.
"I like this one," she said to Amber.
That's good to hear...don't mess this up.
"And I am back," I said with a smile.
I walked over to the table and laid out all the artwork I had with me.
"Which one do you like the most?" I inquired.
"This one." She pointed to the one of me trapped in the soundproof room my father used to lock
me in...I was scraggly, weak, dirty, covered in blood, scars all over my face, and you could see my
ribs.
"Nice choice. You can have it."
"No this must have taken you ages to draw I'll pay for it."
"No it's fine really. I couldn't let you pay for it."
"No I insist."
"No one else wants it. It's just a self portrait I did in the eighth grade."
"This is you?"
"Yeah, who did you think it was?"
"What happened to you?"
"I really don't wish to talk about it, but I figure it'll have to come up sooner or later. So here goes
nothing...I was 7 when my mom died and then I was handed off to my dad. My dad would take me
to church every Sunday and after church he'd take me home and say, "God says to obey your
parents," then he'd tell me to take my clothes off, and then he'd rape me. He would sometimes
beat me unconscious and then when I'd come to he'd beat me again. He would lock me in a
soundproof room until I memorized a book of the bible. I stayed in there for weeks without food or
water. He would hold me under in the bathtub until I lost consciousness. One day I found a gun in
his closet...and let's just say when he got home he got a little surprise...and he now resides in a
cemetery. I'm glad I got that out of my system."
"So you can keep the picture it's just a pitiful reminder of my past." I said.
She took the picture which made me feel better.
Amber was crying... I wasn't sure what to do so I went over to her and hugged her. I kept saying I
was fine but she kept crying. I started to cry too...I haven't cried since I was a baby. I am amazed
at my empathy it feels so good to be able to feel emotions again.
Her mom just stared at us until she started crying too. The afternoon had turned into a big group
hug. When we all stopped crying I said I was going for a walk. Amber came with me.
"Why didn't didn't you just tell me?" She asked.
"Because I was afraid I'd lose you."
"You aren't getting rid of me that easily."
"I couldn't risk it. I...I...love you." I managed to stutter before having a asthma attack.
I died. Apparently Ambers mom ran to get her inhaler but I had already stopped breathing. So
Amber gave me CPR. She saved my life. I really love her. I meant it. This feels extremely weird.
Almost like I'm another person. I have died six times in my life...I've never felt so alive.
We went back to my apartment and had a good time for the rest of the night.
December 15, 2012
My Birthday...another one well spent meeting a weird girl, getting kicked out of a restaurant, riding an ambulance and spending the night in the hospital.
Well today I turned 23 and I am now starting to hallucinate again. I didn't realize at first that they were hallucinations until a lady named Kloe (that's right I read name tags) from Subway wasn't taking my friends order. I said, "Hey lady, can you take my friends order?" She said there wasn't anyone there. I said, "What is this some kind of sick joke? Do you think this is funny?!?" When I continued yelling at her to take my friends order she threatened to call the police, and then kicked me out.
So I was at my apartment working on my latest drawing when all the sudden the door bell rings. I usually don't have guests over so I was hoping that the bitch from Subway didn't call the police on me...I don't know why she would I wasn't doing anything illegal...I guess I could have been flagged as a public nuisance. So I waited and waited and waited, they wouldn't stop so I got up and looked through the peephole. It was a lady about my age straight blonde hair, deep green eyes, wearing a weird sweater....it must be a blasted shrink or something. I'll bet that lady from Subway goes to this shrink and thought it would be 'nice' to get me evaluated. I wondered how she got my stupid address and answered the door.
Me, "Who are you? Who do you work for? And why the hell are you here?"
She said, "I am Amber, I work at Subway, and I am here to meet you."
Me, "How did you know where I live?"
Amber, "The phone book, Gabriel."
Oh great a stalker...this day just keeps getting better and better.
Amber, "I just thought what you did today for your friend was nice and I wanted to meet you."
Me, "What do you want to know?"
Amber, "Can I come in?"
Me, "I suppose."
"Nice apartment." She said while making herself comfortable on my couch in the living room.
Me, "Would you like a refreshment?"
Amber, "Water is fine."
"So what is it that you want to know?" I said while handing her her drink and joining her.
Amber, "Everything."
Me, "Ask me anything."
I am not really sure if I should tell her anything, but drawing wasn't nearly as interesting.
Amber, "What's your friends name?"
"His name is Sevrin."
"What's your favorite color."
"Red." Blood was on my mind.
"Were you born in Chicago?"
"Nope I am from London originally. I only stayed there a couple months and then me and my mom to moved to Chicago."
"What's your favorite song?"
"Wouldn't it be Nice by The Beach Boys. Why do you want to know all this?"
"Because I like you Gabriel. What's your favorite movie?"
I tried to think of a movie less gory than what I like.
"I like Fragile."
"How old are you?"
"Twenty three as of today."
"Well happy birthday!"
Amber, "Your turn to ask me some questions."
"What's your favorite color?"
"Orange."
"Why do you like me?"
Awkward pause...
"Because you're compelling, funny, good looking, nice and I'd like to know more about you."
Three out of four isn't bad.
"I like you too." That was awkward.
She proceded to play with my hair......maybe this won't be such a bad birthday after all I thought.
I pushed her hair away from her eyes, her eyes were locked onto mine. She kissed me passionately...so I kissed her back.
"You're a terrible kisser," She said.
"It's my first time."
"You're 23 and you've never been kissed?"
"No but it's my first time willingly being kissed."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"I'd rather not talk about it."
"You can trust me Gabriel I won't tell anyone if you don't want me too."
I thought I might as well tell her who would she tell anyways....
I sighed..."I was sexually abused by my father."
"Oh Gabriel, I am so sorry."
She truly was sorry. I tried to think of a way to change the subject so she wouldn't feel bad.
"It's ok, I'm fine. Lets go to my room." I am really not over it but I tried to be convincing. She bought it.
"I am glad you're ok." She said as she followed me to my room.
I wasn't sure what to say that wouldn't be awkward. So we sat on my bed and watched some TV. I am not sure if this was the right thing to do or what I was supposed to do (I have never met a girl who likes me), but I thought TV was the solution....it wasn't.
"What do you do for fun?" I asked her.
"Let me show you," she said in a weird voice.
She pushed me down and started kissing me...I thought this was a bit weird at first but I figured this was 'normal' and I should try to be as 'normal' as possible. I started to kiss her back and then abruptly said I was thirsty. I think it was a valid excuse.
So I went to my kitchen and drank a glass of milk. When I got back all she had on was a bra and underwear...I figured this must be normal as well. So I took off my shirt and shorts.
"You're so hot," she said.
I assumed it was a complement, and joined her on the bed. We started having sex and then my head hurt really really bad.
"Stop.... please stop." I yelled.
"What don't you like me?"
"Of course I like you...it's just my head hurts like hell."
"Are you ok?"
"It feels like someone hit me in the head with a brick but other then that yes."
"Do you think an ice pack will help?"
"Maybe." I headed toward the bathroom to check my temperature...Oh great 104 degrees.
Amber came in the bathroom and gave me the ice pack.
"Well, what's your temperature?"
"One hundred and four degr..." I fainted.
I woke up in an ambulance with Amber sitting beside me.
She kept saying, "Everything is going to be ok."
I was glad she was with me. We arrived at the hospital. I got rushed to the ER and the doctors ran a million tests. It turns out I had a stroke. I just turned 23 and already I have had 7 seizures, hallucinations, 3 heart attacks, 1 stroke, 8 Asthma attacks, tinnitus, skin falling off on arms and legs, a tumor, insomnia, a broken leg four times, a broken arm twice, a lot of blackouts (because I was abused), broken ankles 23 (hey thats one for every year I've been alive), 17 comas (I once was in a coma for 8 days before my landlord found me in my room when I came to I was starving).
And Amber stayed there the whole time. I really like her. I am spending the night at the hospital. Amber is staying here and taking the week off. :)
So yeh that was my birthday...probably the best one I'll ever have. So whatever.
So I was at my apartment working on my latest drawing when all the sudden the door bell rings. I usually don't have guests over so I was hoping that the bitch from Subway didn't call the police on me...I don't know why she would I wasn't doing anything illegal...I guess I could have been flagged as a public nuisance. So I waited and waited and waited, they wouldn't stop so I got up and looked through the peephole. It was a lady about my age straight blonde hair, deep green eyes, wearing a weird sweater....it must be a blasted shrink or something. I'll bet that lady from Subway goes to this shrink and thought it would be 'nice' to get me evaluated. I wondered how she got my stupid address and answered the door.
Me, "Who are you? Who do you work for? And why the hell are you here?"
She said, "I am Amber, I work at Subway, and I am here to meet you."
Me, "How did you know where I live?"
Amber, "The phone book, Gabriel."
Oh great a stalker...this day just keeps getting better and better.
Amber, "I just thought what you did today for your friend was nice and I wanted to meet you."
Me, "What do you want to know?"
Amber, "Can I come in?"
Me, "I suppose."
"Nice apartment." She said while making herself comfortable on my couch in the living room.
Me, "Would you like a refreshment?"
Amber, "Water is fine."
"So what is it that you want to know?" I said while handing her her drink and joining her.
Amber, "Everything."
Me, "Ask me anything."
I am not really sure if I should tell her anything, but drawing wasn't nearly as interesting.
Amber, "What's your friends name?"
"His name is Sevrin."
"What's your favorite color."
"Red." Blood was on my mind.
"Were you born in Chicago?"
"Nope I am from London originally. I only stayed there a couple months and then me and my mom to moved to Chicago."
"What's your favorite song?"
"Wouldn't it be Nice by The Beach Boys. Why do you want to know all this?"
"Because I like you Gabriel. What's your favorite movie?"
I tried to think of a movie less gory than what I like.
"I like Fragile."
"How old are you?"
"Twenty three as of today."
"Well happy birthday!"
Amber, "Your turn to ask me some questions."
"What's your favorite color?"
"Orange."
"Why do you like me?"
Awkward pause...
"Because you're compelling, funny, good looking, nice and I'd like to know more about you."
Three out of four isn't bad.
"I like you too." That was awkward.
She proceded to play with my hair......maybe this won't be such a bad birthday after all I thought.
I pushed her hair away from her eyes, her eyes were locked onto mine. She kissed me passionately...so I kissed her back.
"You're a terrible kisser," She said.
"It's my first time."
"You're 23 and you've never been kissed?"
"No but it's my first time willingly being kissed."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"I'd rather not talk about it."
"You can trust me Gabriel I won't tell anyone if you don't want me too."
I thought I might as well tell her who would she tell anyways....
I sighed..."I was sexually abused by my father."
"Oh Gabriel, I am so sorry."
She truly was sorry. I tried to think of a way to change the subject so she wouldn't feel bad.
"It's ok, I'm fine. Lets go to my room." I am really not over it but I tried to be convincing. She bought it.
"I am glad you're ok." She said as she followed me to my room.
I wasn't sure what to say that wouldn't be awkward. So we sat on my bed and watched some TV. I am not sure if this was the right thing to do or what I was supposed to do (I have never met a girl who likes me), but I thought TV was the solution....it wasn't.
"What do you do for fun?" I asked her.
"Let me show you," she said in a weird voice.
She pushed me down and started kissing me...I thought this was a bit weird at first but I figured this was 'normal' and I should try to be as 'normal' as possible. I started to kiss her back and then abruptly said I was thirsty. I think it was a valid excuse.
So I went to my kitchen and drank a glass of milk. When I got back all she had on was a bra and underwear...I figured this must be normal as well. So I took off my shirt and shorts.
"You're so hot," she said.
I assumed it was a complement, and joined her on the bed. We started having sex and then my head hurt really really bad.
"Stop.... please stop." I yelled.
"What don't you like me?"
"Of course I like you...it's just my head hurts like hell."
"Are you ok?"
"It feels like someone hit me in the head with a brick but other then that yes."
"Do you think an ice pack will help?"
"Maybe." I headed toward the bathroom to check my temperature...Oh great 104 degrees.
Amber came in the bathroom and gave me the ice pack.
"Well, what's your temperature?"
"One hundred and four degr..." I fainted.
I woke up in an ambulance with Amber sitting beside me.
She kept saying, "Everything is going to be ok."
I was glad she was with me. We arrived at the hospital. I got rushed to the ER and the doctors ran a million tests. It turns out I had a stroke. I just turned 23 and already I have had 7 seizures, hallucinations, 3 heart attacks, 1 stroke, 8 Asthma attacks, tinnitus, skin falling off on arms and legs, a tumor, insomnia, a broken leg four times, a broken arm twice, a lot of blackouts (because I was abused), broken ankles 23 (hey thats one for every year I've been alive), 17 comas (I once was in a coma for 8 days before my landlord found me in my room when I came to I was starving).
And Amber stayed there the whole time. I really like her. I am spending the night at the hospital. Amber is staying here and taking the week off. :)
So yeh that was my birthday...probably the best one I'll ever have. So whatever.
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